Reinvent Yourself

One of the first bits of advice I received from a writer friend when I began to publish these newsletters was to "write what you know." It made a lot of sense to me back then, and it still holds true today. In each of my newsletters, I write from a very personal point of view about issues that I have experienced or may still be experiencing in my own life. It seems to add a level of authenticity to my writing, and also helps me to take a more objective view of my own life and to maybe even see things from a different perspective. In that vein, I wanted to take this opportunity to write about something I have a great deal of experience with in the last few years - the idea of "Reinventing Yourself."

There are many people who are struggling with this very issue right now - some of them are my friends. Some are probably your friends or family, as well. All around us, people are still being downsized, furloughed, laid off, and their jobs eliminated. No matter how you choose to spin it, the truth is that people are losing jobs, taking massive pay cuts, or have been unsuccessful in finding new employment. I heard someone remark recently that the new definition of an optimist is someone who takes their lunch to work!

What are they (or we) to do? Let me share some of my story of personal transformation with you, in the hope that it may inspire you to see yourself differently, reexamine your assumptions about who you are, and maybe even start you on the path to reinventing yourself.

Prior to becoming a sought-after coach, trainer, and speaker, I spent more than 25 years working for a world-class manufacturing company. I was accomplished, well known, respected, liked, and - dare I say - comfortable. I figured this was my end-game, and that I would work there until retirement, enjoying the perks of the job and living a very contented lifestyle.

Well, all that came to an abrupt end in November of 2008 when I was told my services were no longer required. 25 years. Gone. Suddenly everything I knew was thrust into uncertainty. What would I do? So much of who I thought I was, my internal sense of identity, was tied to what I had been doing for all those years. Who am I without my job? How will I support my family? How will I recover from this massive blow?

I had some hard choices to make. The first one was, what will I do with the rest of my work life? I had for many years joked, "I hope I never lose this job, because I don't know how to do anything else." Well, now it was time to figure it out. I had to ask myself some powerful questions and determine what was next for me - I had to reinvent myself. Here are some strategies I used to find my way, discover the previously unseen path, and eventually find not only a new career path, but also my true passion in life.

Find Your Strengths

What are the things that you love to do? What are those things that you are really good at, and when you do them you feel like you just are "in the flow?" When you can identify and connect with your strengths, you can use them as a guide for finding your way. There is great truth to the notion that you will never become a peak performer by working to improve your weaknesses. You become a peak performer by improving upon your strengths.

Look to Your Values

Values are intrinsic. They are those things that you can't live without. They can also give you great insight into your direction for your life. People who live in alignment with their values tend to be the most balanced, fulfilled, and happy. Pick out a path that you love, because in it you will find the energy to sustain you as you move forward, even when you encounter challenges. When you pursue something you love, it becomes easier to take the inevitable bumps and bruises. Use your values to give you guidance in finding what you really want for your life.

Don't let Circumstances Control Your Thoughts and Feelings

We tend to see our thoughts and feelings as being caused by the events that occur in our life. What really happens is there is an event, we interpret what it means to us, and then we form our thoughts, which create our feelings. You need to anticipate that there will be challenges and struggles. When you recognize them as part of the process, they lose their ability to rob you of your momentum. Did you know that the Chinese symbol for "crisis" contains the dual symbols representing both danger and opportunity? Where do you choose to focus your attention? Don't let circumstances control your feelings.

Self Care is Important

It can't be stated emphatically enough that a strong, healthy body can help you produce better results. Take care of yourself, eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise. It will have a direct impact on your state of mind.

What do You Need?

If you find a new path that you want to take, do your research before you leap. What skills, knowledge, or education do you need to take on this new career path? When you learn what is needed to pursue this new direction, you can plan your next moves and provide yourself a greater opportunity for success.

Be Persistent

Nothing great was ever achieved without effort. If you continue to focus on the end goal, it will give you the motivation to keep going even when you meet challenges. Being persistent means not giving in when you hit an obstacle. Find a way to get over it, under it, through it, or around it. In the groundbreaking book, "Think and Grow Rich," author Napoleon Hill emphasizes persistence so much that he devoted an entire chapter to it.

Reach for Support

Who are the people in your life who can give you the support you need to take on the new challenges you face? What others do you need to bring into your life to help? Who can give you insights, knowledge, or contacts to assist? Look for support, because the world is truly filled with people who want to help you. It's up to you to reach out to them and ask. Don't let ego get in the way. Ego stops you from looking outside yourself for answers. The same thinking that got you here, won't get you to where you want to go.

What is Your "Why?"

Your purpose must be stronger than your challenges. I ask clients all the time, "What is your "why?"' Last year, I wrote a newsletter about my friend, Keli Wilson, who decided she wanted to take a stand in the fight to beat world hunger, focusing specifically on children under 5, who comprise the largest at-risk group for starvation. That is what I call a powerful reason, or "why," for her to get up and do something every day. What is your why?

Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

I remember seeing an old Clint Eastwood movie, I think it was one of the Dirty Harry movies - and in it he says, "A man's got to know his limitations." Well, you also have to know that whatever limits you perceive in your life, they are a creation of your own self-limiting beliefs. Most of us formed the majority of our beliefs at a very early age as a result of our experiences with parents, siblings, friends, peers, teachers, etc. However, most of us carry those with us throughout our lives and never stop to ask if those beliefs still serve us. What is the evidence that supports those beliefs? If there is no longer any evidence to support them, then the beliefs MUST change!

Play All Out

When you discover something that is important to you, don't be afraid to play all out! Sometimes you have to let go of that notion of embarrassment or humiliation in order to push yourself beyond your perceived limits. Remember that embarrassment is an inside job. It's a function of ego, and it has no place in the journey you're going to take.

What Would You do if You Knew You Couldn't Fail?

There are clues in the answer to this question, too. This isn't about fantasizing or thinking unrealistically. If you're 55 and think you always wanted to be an astronaut, well, that door may be closed. But if you always wanted to open a flower shop or start a childcare facility or become a dog groomer - the possibilities are there for you. Take the previous steps we talked about, and put your plan together.

Remember to Laugh!

Why do we take ourselves so seriously? There needs to be some room in your life for laughter and joy, regardless of what's going on around you. If you can find the courage to laugh at yourself and remember that there is joy in the world, it will make a difference in how you go about the process of reinventing yourself. Again, ego takes center stage when we can't find the ability to laugh at ourselves. If you're not having any fun, then you are trying way too hard and taking it all far too seriously.

Why Would I Look for Fulfillment in my Work?

Why wouldn't you? You spend about 1/3 of your life working, maybe more - if you are not doing something you love, then you are selling yourself short. The thing is, you are selling your life for that paycheck. Is it a fair trade?

Now I'm not saying that if you do all of these things, your life will magically become better, you'll find that dream job you've been looking for, and all your worries will cease. But what I am saying is that if you do these things, you stand a far better chance of that happening than if you don't. There are many choices you will make as you continue to live your life. Think about the impact that this decision will make on your quality of life.

Maybe you don't need to reinvent yourself professionally. What about personally? Sometimes the transformation we need the most, is the one we fear the most. These strategies will hold true whether the change you seek is personal or professional.

What's the Point?

I’ve been asked several times why I write these newsletters, so I thought I would take some time to answer that question for any of you who may be curious. So, what’s the point, you may ask? Do I write these just to bring a bit of sunshine, positivity, and a sense of what’s possible into my readers’ lives? Well, yes. And, I do it as much for myself as for any one of you who read these newsletters.

As many of you know, I also have a presence on Facebook and I thoroughly enjoy posting inspirational and uplifting messages for all of my “friends.” I’ve been asked a few times what it’s like to always be happy, positive, and upbeat. To which I answer, “I have no idea. I’m not always feeling any or all of those things.” In fact, ask my family if I’m always happy and upbeat and I’m sure you’ll get a good laugh!

However, just think how boring and uninteresting life would be if all we experienced were one narrow range of our emotions. After all, what would joy be without pain and sadness, excitement without boredom, or victory and exhilaration without frustration and defeat? In order to be who we are meant to be in this world, it’s vitally important for us to realize that emotions are the juice of life. Good, bad, or otherwise (although as I often remind clients, there are no “bad” emotions).

It’s critical to understand that in order to experience our full capacity as human beings, we must be open to all that comes with it. And sometimes that is messy. Let’s face it – emotions can be very messy. And, at the same time they give us so much.

“Feeling emotions is what makes life rich. You need your passions.”
                    - Daniel Goleman, Author “Emotional Intelligence”

Think of the excitement of your first kiss, that exhilarating roller coaster ride at the theme park, your wedding day, the birth of a child, or holding the hand of a loved one as they pass from this life to the next. How sad and empty we would be if we always felt the same. The richness of our lives is enhanced by our ability to connect and truly feel our emotions.

That’s one of the reasons I love to write these newsletters. They give me an opportunity to connect with all my readers in a deeper spiritual sense, hopefully to evoke an emotional response from them, and in that response, to share in their experience of life in profound ways.

See, there are those in life we call “adrenaline junkies.” You know the ones, the jumping-off-a-cliff-skydiving-bungee-jumping-roller-coaster-riding people. Well, I’m an “emotion junkie” of sorts. I have learned (not without hardship and challenge) that only by embracing my full humanity, and accepting my emotions as a necessary and welcome part of me, can I truly be fully present and engaged in my life.

So, what’s the point? Well, I certainly think that each one of you can and will draw your own conclusions. But for me the point is to embrace my emotions, feel them at my core, accept them as part of me, and know that in doing so I am opening myself to the greatest adventure we know – LIFE!

What Are You Overlooking?

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I decided to go on a hike in the Lake Tahoe area. This particular Sunday was a bright, crisp day; the kind of Northern Nevada summer day we’ve grown accustomed to over the years. Spectacular sunshine, relatively few clouds, and a slight breeze – just enough to keep the temperature bearable. We settled on heading for a destination we had not previously been to – Cascade Falls.

We hiked the trail leading up to this pristine wilderness area high above Cascade Lake and Lake Tahoe. The day was warm, but not overly so. The trail itself was well laid out – rocky and narrow in some areas, and in others wide and smooth. Overall, it was a relatively moderate hike – certainly easy enough for all in our party to hike without too much effort or becoming overheated.

Along the way, there were the obligatory stops. We would occasionally climb atop some of the huge boulders along the trail to gain a higher perspective of the two lakes and the wilderness below. We took photos of the views and of each other. And of course, Trevor just had to throw a few rocks as he peered over some of the cliffs and sheer drops along the trail. Hey, every 8-year-old boy in his right mind is going to want to do that! And maybe even a 48-year-old boy, too! Naturally, his mother and I always kept vigilant watch over him, ensuring he maintain a minimum safe distance from the edge.

As we hiked the trail further, we could discern the distant sound of running water. Gradually, as we neared our destination, the sound became a roar. And what we came upon when we crossed the last ridge of the trail was more than we had prepared for. Here was a spectacular waterfall, in its full glory, dropping hundreds of feet to the rocks below before making its way to its final destination - Cascade Lake.

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The runoff from the melting Sierra snows had created one of the most spectacular sights in the Lake Tahoe region, and this incredible waterfall was there for us to enjoy and treasure. We spent time hiking along the stream that led to the falls, and explored the surrounding terrain of granite cliffs and mesas.

We looked at each other as if to ask, “How can it be that we’ve lived in this area for so long and never been to this place before?” At least we were here now. I have always been one to appreciate the incredible area we live in. The Sierras and the Tahoe region offer so much not only in terms of outdoor activities, but in terms of sheer beauty – well, I would challenge anyone to show me a more majestic and beautiful place on this planet. There may be equals, but I would be surprised if anything could surpass this.

After about an hour of taking in this magnificent sight, snapping what seemed to be hundreds of photos, and splashing our feet in the cool waters that flowed past, it was time to head back down the trail. When we finally reached the bottom, and got to our car, we quietly, almost reverently it would seem, took a few moments to reflect on what we had just witnessed.

Then as we started the drive toward home, I glanced one last time toward Cascade Lake out the window on the right side of the vehicle. Then, almost as if it had appeared magically, as I gazed out to the far edges of the shore and looked up – there it was. Cascade Falls. In all the years I have been going to Lake Tahoe, driving around toward Emerald Bay, past Cascade Lake, I had never before noticed the incredible sight in the distance of the falls that feed this mountain wonder! How could I have been so blind to this amazing sight all those years? And, it begs the question, “Where else in my life am I not seeing what’s right in front of me?”

The Passing of a Legend

People have a tendency to throw around words like famous, superstar, celebrity, and legend without much thought to the person behind them. Sadly, it seems that all too often, as someone’s celebrity grows, more and more people seek to find and expose their flaws. Some can stand up to the glare of the spotlight, while others wilt under the intense scrutiny. Still others seem to come through completely unscathed – they are exactly as they seem to be.

Such a man was John Wooden.

The world lost a giant with his passing. This was a man who not only seemed too good to be true – he really was. Now don’t get me wrong. Like all human beings, he certainly had his flaws. It’s just that he didn’t have them splashed all over the newspapers, TV or Internet. He remained true to his values and humble to the end.

Now most, if not all of you, know who John Wooden was. He was most well known as the coach who led the UCLA Men’s Basketball team to a mind-boggling total of ten NCAA National Basketball Championships, with a record 88 consecutive victories and seven NCAA Championships in a row at one point! He was a basketball legend in the truest sense of the word.

I’m not here to write about that part of his life. No, the John Wooden I wish to briefly highlight today was a man who was dedicated to the notion that life is much more than what we do, how many games we win, or how much money we make. The John Wooden I wish to honor is the man who taught so many about the values of honesty, teamwork, perseverance, humility, faith, and love. As I say many times to clients I work with, “Don’t be so concerned with what you do. Focus on who you are becoming in the process.”

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

Wooden had an innate sense of how to reach and motivate his players. He developed what he called “The Pyramid of Success” which encompassed the qualities that he felt were essential to be successful in any aspect of life. When he coached his teams – as hard as it may be to believe – he says he never stressed winning. He focused on them giving their best effort. He was heard to tell his players that the scoreboard might show they had the higher score at the end of the game, but if they didn’t give their best effort, they were losers.

You see, we thought John Wooden was a basketball coach. But we were wrong. He was so much more than that. He was a Life Coach. The wisdom of his words and the depth of his lessons were universal in their application.

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”

Wooden was most concerned with teaching young men how to be men of character and integrity. He built his career on the notion that who they were as people was more important than who they were as basketball players. "What you are as a person is far more important that what you are as a basketball player.” As I listened to the seemingly endless string of interviews with former players, I was struck by the respect and reverence with which they spoke of him, and his impact on their lives. Truly, John Wooden was a man who made a difference. He set the standard not only for the coaching profession, but also for how we can live our lives.

There are so many profound truths to the wisdom of Coach Wooden. He made others wish to be better people by his mere presence.

“The most important word in our language is love. The second is balance; keeping things in perspective.”

The thing I most admired about John Wooden was something I didn’t know about until after his passing. It was his undying love and devotion to his wife of 53 years, Nellie. She died of cancer on March 21, 1985. Wooden never lost his devotion to her, and from that time on, every month on the 21^st, he wrote her a love letter. Every month of every year from her death in 1985 until his own passing two weeks ago. No one was ever allowed to read them, not even family. He placed each letter in an envelope and added it to the stack of letters on the pillow she used to sleep on.

Nellie was the first – and only – girl he ever kissed. When asked how he was able to make love last in a marriage, he said, “There’s only one way. Truly, truly, truly love. Most powerful thing there is.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but that pretty much tells me all I would ever need to know about Wooden and his character. Many of us have a difficult enough time letting those we love know while they’re around. This man was so deeply in love, so devoted, that he never lost his desire to let his wife know. He never took that love for granted. And now, he and Nellie are finally reunited in eternity – at least, that’s my take on it.

Goodbye, Coach, and Godspeed.

Habits...

We have a wonderful German Shepherd puppy named Spice. She is black and brown and fuzzy... and did I say cute? Yes, she is very cute! Her rather large ears stick straight up from the top of her head, reaching skyward like two fuzzy antennae, searching for input. When she gallops around the house, her huge feet flop around beneath her, like a child wearing their parent's shoes, struggling to keep them in sync, as they flip, then flop about with each step. It's so adorably clumsy that you cannot help but chuckle every time she scurries awkwardly past.

I was watching her play with a tennis ball this morning. She grabbed it in her sharp little puppy teeth and carried it proudly around as though she were saying, "Look at what I've got!" She would drop it to the floor and watch it bounce slightly, and then pounce on it like she was the hunter, the ball her prey. She pushed it with her nose, rolling it about with her rather sizable paws, all the while totally engrossed in the playfulness of the moment, oblivious to anything else in the room.

Then, she walked over and lay next to the coffee table, and *poof* the ball disappeared beneath the lower shelf of the table, her long nose unable to reach under the 3-to-4 inch opening to grasp the object of her affection. She began whining and wailing and making every sort of crying noise I've ever heard a puppy make - and maybe even some I've never heard before. What a sorrowful lament!

Dutifully, I walked over, got down on my knees, and stuck my nose down to peer under the edge of the table to see her obsession. I reached under, grasping the ball in my fingers, gently pulling it out from under the table before saying, "Is this it, Spice girl? Is this what you're looking for?" She excitedly perked up, tail wagging as if to say, "Yes! Yes! That's it! You're a miracle worker! You found it!"

I tossed it across the room and watched as she breathlessly scampered toward it; the clumsiness of her stride again evident, and I giggled quietly to myself, since there was no one else here. Then, she did it again. She plopped her lanky puppy body down in almost the very same spot, dropped the ball, and proceeded to nudge it back under the table with her nose.

Again, the wailing of intense sorrow began... "Oooooowwwww!!" And once again, just as before, I walked over, slumped my body down, and rooted out the incredible disappearing ball. How many times did this circular event replay itself? Well, let's just say that the carpet burn on my knees serves as a testament to her persistence. And, maybe to my need to rescue her from herself... hmmm, wait a minute; what the heck was that?

Suddenly I saw the metaphor - it struck me as we played and replayed this comedic scene. She is doing exactly what so many of us do! She is repeating the same mistakes over and over again, and yet, expecting that somehow this time it will be different. This time, she'll get that ball, and she will have conquered this seemingly insurmountable task! Einstein's now famous quote came to mind, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result."

How do we do that very thing in our own lives? Every day, I become more aware of my own patterns, habits, and self-limiting behaviors that keep me howling and lamenting the "ball under the table." But don't I know better? Why would I ever want to stay in a place where I cannot move, cannot improve, cannot see the ball that I so desperately want? That, my friends, is the million-dollar question!

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France

The answer lies somewhere between the world of knowing, and not knowing. This, after all, is the devil I know. I know the outcome of these behaviors, and although they are not resulting in what I tell myself I really want; they also are not creating any major changes or moving me too far out of my "comfort zone." But, if I were to truly change, shake things up, who knows what might happen then? As I've been known to ask clients - "How's that strategy working out for you?"

So, what can you do? Well, I'm glad you asked! (You did ask, didn't you?) The first thing you must do is become aware of your patterns. Get out of automatic mode, and into awareness mode! You know the things you do that result in stagnation and feelings of dissatisfaction. Uncover the thoughts that are driving those behaviors, because that is the real land of change. As you change your thoughts, you also change your behaviors. That in turn changes your results; and as your results change, your thoughts change. What a nice circular flow, wouldn't you say?

I know. I make it sound so simple, right? Well, this is where coaching absolutely excels! By working with you to uncover your unconscious patterns, you become aware of them and exponentially increase your ability to make different choices. Choices for which you get to be held accountable. Choices that will lead to a more fulfilling life, a more thrilling life, a life on purpose. So stop shoving the ball under the table!

Release the Past

As of this writing, my oldest daughter Sarah’s wedding is mere days away. Recently, I have found myself reflecting on her life, all the things I love about her, all the ways she has made me proud, and the amazing future she and her new husband have ahead of them. It’s such an exciting time for them!

However, there have also been some forays into the world of all the mistakes I’ve made with her over the years. I think it’s only natural as parents for us to relive past regrets and errors in judgment. There are always those opportunities to reflect on how we could have done things so much better. The “if only I had…” that can haunt us if we allow it to.

But what good does that behavior, that line of thinking do? It’s an exercise in futility to try and wish away the past, to make up for all our past injuries and insults, to seek a cosmic do-over, and change the course of our lives and those we’ve hurt. The truth is, the most effective way to view any past mistake is to learn from it, grow, and seek to become better for the lessons.

But what is it about us that causes us to hold on so tightly to the past? Why do we think that it’s going to change anything? The only benefit (if you can call it that) to this line of thinking is to make us feel bad, and hold us back. It gives away our power and energy to the things that we’re not releasing. It becomes a trap, a prison for our emotions that we actually hold the key to – if we only choose to use it and free ourselves.

I’m not saying it’s easy. But it certainly is achievable. Think about how holding on to these things is stealing a piece of your life. What would it mean to you to be able to look at these past events with an objective eye, learn from them, and then release them? How would your life improve? How would it feel to finally be able to say, “I forgive myself for past mistakes” and move on?

Today, as I reflect on Sarah’s life, I am choosing to look back in gratitude for the lessons I have learned as a parent. I get to use those to become a better father to all three of my children. It’s a much more spacious, loving, and growth-oriented approach to my life. And more importantly, it allows me to release those past actions, and let go of beliefs and patterns that do not serve me.

What regrets are you holding on to so tightly that they’re preventing you from being the person you want to be – your most authentic self? When you can become aware of those self-limiting thoughts, those unresourceful patterns, you can then create new patterns that will allow you to release them and replace them with more inspired habits.

You Always Have a Choice

Ever have one of those days when it just feels as though the Universe is conspiring against you? You know the ones. When you go to the cupboard to get the cereal and the box is empty. Or you get a flat tire on the way to the big meeting. Or the dog grabs the steak off the counter when you’re not looking. Whatever the case, sometimes it simply feels like the whole world is out to get you. As I have been known to say to friends jokingly, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you!”

Well folks, today I had one of those days. Let me fill you in. As I was getting the cold cuts and condiments out of the fridge to make my kids’ lunches, I bumped a tray of fresh blueberries, which tumbled onto the floor and scattered around the kitchen – rolling around like so many little blue escapees from their plastic prison, and into every nook and cranny they could find. As I took a small step back to assess the spill, I stepped onto about four or five of them, crushing them into the floor. Nice. “Cleanup on aisle 7!”

Then later, as I was making my breakfast, I had decided that I felt like having an omelet. (One of the perks of working from home is that I now eat better!) As I was cooking the eggs, I lifted the frying pan; and as I had done so many times before, with a delicate, nimble flip of the wrist, attempted to flip the omelet over. I say attempted as though it were more than a feeble effort at this culinary art form, and knowing full well that in the middle of this stab at gastronomic greatness, I had ever so slightly hesitated. I was doomed. The omelet flopped mercilessly in the air, landing on the edge of the frying pan rather than in the middle as I had grown accustomed to. Half of my breakfast falling helplessly to the kitchen floor in an unceremonious “splat!” Great!

So here I am, standing in the middle of the kitchen holding this now twisted, deformed excuse for an omelet – egg still dripping from the edge of the pan. And in that very moment, I knew. I had a choice. Based on these two seemingly sinister incidents, I could blow my top and begin the parade of profanity that I have (sorry to say) conceded to so many times before. Besides, it was just me and the dogs hanging around. The kids had left for school. No one else would ever know, or hear, or care. OR… I could…

It began as a small chuckle, then cascaded into a series of belly laughs the likes of which I haven’t felt in what seemed like months, or even years. I stood there with frying pan in hand, egg on floor and slippers, and laughed at the cosmic joke that was being played on me at that very moment! Listen, I’m no saint. But when something’s funny, it’s just funny. And this was one of those rare moments when I got to see just how silly life is, and how unpredictable it can be, and how we always have a choice of how we react to it!

I have no proof for you that any of this occurred, and if you ask my wife and kids, they may even find my reaction hard to believe based on my past performance. (Like I said, I’m no saint.) What I can tell you unequivocally is this – it happened just as I have written here. I don’t know if, given the same set of circumstances, I would react the same way were it to happen again. I guess only time will tell.

But what I can tell you is this – each and every day of our lives, we are presented with circumstances that would seem to be beyond our control, sometimes menacing, many times there to teach us something; and the events themselves are neutral. That’s right. Neutral. What makes them good, bad, or otherwise, is how we choose to interpret and respond to them. When we go on auto, and allow the circumstances to dictate our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we literally give away our power. Our power to choose. Our power to decide. Our power to control our own behaviors.

So the next time you find the cereal box empty, or you get that flat tire, or you flip half an omelet onto the floor, ask yourself this one question, “What does this really mean?” If you can remain objective, and be aware of your thoughts and feelings, put your automatic response mechanisms on hold, you may just be surprised to find yourself laughing. Laughing at the circumstances, at the silliness and unpredictability of life, and maybe even laughing at yourself. Hey, it could happen.

How Do You Measure Up?

Like much of the civilized world, I have spent the last ten days watching the amazing spectacle called the Winter Olympic Games. I am continually surprised and sometimes overwhelmed by the athleticism, grace, and passion that these incredible athletes display. They have worked for years – most of them in obscurity – to perfect their craft and strive to reach for their very best performances. Every day my family and I settle in to watch the games and cheer for the American athletes who are competing.

As each competition takes place, I often find myself wondering how these athletes can do what they do. Whether they compete in skating, skiing, snowboarding or any of the other sports, the level of athletic prowess and dedication of each of these competitors is apparent. Clearly, these are athletes at the top of their respective games.

And then it happens. As each competition unfolds, and each medal is awarded, we are constantly reminded of “the count.” Suddenly this incredible spectacle of sport, these athletes pouring their hearts and souls into their performances, is reduced to a comparison of which country has won the most medals. How do we measure up against the total medal counts of the other participating countries?

It seems to fly in the face of the true spirit of the Olympic Games, which is supposed to represent the purest elements of sports, and honor the athletes who are there to compete. Besides, who is the real winner – the one who medals almost purely on superior talent and yet doesn’t perform to their very best, or the one who in defeat has shown the ability to push themselves beyond what they thought possible and create a new level of performance for themselves?

How do you measure up? It seems to be a prevailing question asked of so many of us in our society. We tend to compare ourselves continually to the other people in our lives or others who are in positions related to ours. “If I do this, how does that compare to how he/she does it?” We also have others (bosses, peers, coworkers) comparing our performances to someone else, be it someone in our own department or someone in our profession who is considered a top performer.

One of the things I love most about the Olympics is listening to these spectacular athletes talk about their preparation, training, and mindset going into the Games. Almost to a person, regardless of whether they win or lose, they will say in interviews that they are happy if they were able to reach deep down inside and perform at their personal best. For these extremely competitive athletes to be able to see the true essence of why they compete offers us a terrific lesson we can use in our own lives.

Why are we so willing to compare ourselves to others? What good can possibly come from it? Society many times would seem to drive us toward this never-ending competition. If you want to get ahead, you must be better than the next guy. The only way to get ahead is to excel against our competition at any cost.

The undeniable truth, however, is that it’s a fool’s game. We can never control or affect anyone’s performance but our own. Rather than comparing ourselves to someone else, there is far more benefit in focusing on the one thing we can control – our own performance. When we are able to do that, we are far more likely to perform at our best levels and enjoy positive results. And regardless of the outcome, we preserve our own sense of self worth and well-being. One of my all-time favorite quotes on this topic is from Judy Garland, who said, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

In your preparations for your day-to-day performance, it’s important to check in with yourself and acknowledge your level of dedication and focus in sharpening your skills. Have you done all you can to prepare for what’s possible? Are you looking for ways to learn and grow so that you can become skilled and respected in your chosen profession? Are you pushing yourself daily to be your best? If not, what can you do differently? It’s vitally important to have a clear picture of the outcome you desire, and to take steps to prepare for what must be done to achieve it.

It’s also important to be aware of your mindset as you prepare for each day. One of the things I do every day is to focus on my intentions for the day and make sure that my thoughts and feelings support the achievement of those goals. To put it in terms of Olympic competition, if you are standing in the starting gate thinking you won’t win, what are the chances of you standing on that medal platform? The same principle applies to your intentions for your daily performance. Focusing on the positive outcome you desire, and seeing it occur in your mind, creates a certainty that what you want is possible. Remember, the body achieves what the mind believes.

In the end, the only comparison that truly matters is whether we are performing to our own best skills, talents, and abilities. Anything less will lead to a “less-than” life. And truthfully, we all deserve to live a “greater-than” life!

How’s Your Vision?

I have worn reading glasses for many years to treat astigmatism. Still, I used to be able to read or work on my computer for short periods of time without my glasses. Over the course of the last year or so, I had noticed a marked deterioration in my vision. More often than not, if I didn’t have my glasses nearby I couldn’t read anything other than the largest type on anything that was handed to me. I can still see my wife handing me a photo or one of the kid’s school papers, and I would take it and sheepishly hold it almost at arm’s length just to be able to add some level of focus on the document. Once I put my existing glasses on, I could read again, although still not as clearly as in the past.

Of course, being a guy, I waited longer than I should to schedule an appointment to have my eyes checked. (Guys, let’s face it – it’s no secret that we’re not very good at listening to our bodies or taking action quickly when we notice aches, pains, or any other forms of age-related wear and tear on our bodies.) So I paid a visit to my eye doctor and got the scoop on my vision. As I had already figured out, it was appreciably worse than the last time I had my eyes examined. The optometrist wrote the prescription for my new glasses, and I was on my way to better vision.

How’s your vision? What do you see when you look at your life? What do you anticipate will come for you in your future? What’s right in front of you that you may be missing? Ah, vision; it can be such a confusing, multi-dimensional and tremendously powerful word. We often think of the sense of sight when we hear the word, but as you can see from the questions above, it has much more depth to it than eyesight alone.

Entrepreneurs and CEO’s are said to have vision. Certainly they need to know where they want to go in terms of building their businesses. Ask anyone who runs their own company and they’ll be sure to tell you that the first thing they needed when they began their venture was a vision of where they want to go, and how they’re going to get there. Some companies believe so strongly in the power of a shared vision, that they pay consultants millions of dollars to help them craft their “Vision Statement.”

What is your “Vision Statement?” Do you have one? When is the last time you took a look at your own life and got clarity on your vision for yourself? What will fulfill you; make you feel fully alive? What do you need in order to get that clarity? Well, a good place to start is with the basics. What do you want? Simple enough question, right? Not so fast, my visionary friend!

There are a lot of people out there who cannot articulate with clarity what they most want for their lives. Oh, sure, they can tell you with remarkable clarity what they don’t want in their lives, but to tell you what they do want is nearly impossible. I know, because I used to be one of those people. I lacked a vision for my life. How does that happen? Could be any number of reasons. They may have become so jaded by past events or traumas that they have literally given up on the notion that what they want even matters any more. Maybe they’ve come face to face with obstacles so daunting that they threw in the towel and went back to their old established patterns. Or, maybe they’ve never really given it much thought because they got so caught up in their day-to-day existence – working, raising kids, paying bills, etc. – that they forgot it is their right and privilege to create their own life! Whatever the reason, the good news is there is a way to break through the patterns of self-limiting belief and create a compelling vision for your life.

Know what you want. I’m not just talking about the mundane, like knowing what you want for lunch. I’m talking big picture here. What’s your vision for your ideal life? What would your life look like if you refused to accept a second-rate existence and settled for nothing less than living to your full potential, using your talents and skills to their full extent? It’s like the difference between being pushed down the path of your life by deadlines, expectations, and lists of things to do, versus being pulled down the path by a compelling vision that speaks to the true heart of who you are.

Have you ever heard of a “Vision Board?” It’s a concept that’s been around for a long time. You take photos, drawings, words, and other meaningful images, and place them all on a large poster board. Put it somewhere that you will see it every day, several times a day. It’s a reminder of all that you are working toward. It literally becomes the “bigger picture” for your life. This is what your life will look like, feel like, sound like, even smell and taste like! It’s the picture of your best life. It’s not someone else’s definition of the good life; it is your thrilling, breathtaking, exhilarating image of how life will look once you achieve your vision!

Of course, you also need a plan to get there. That’s where goals come in. For many, this is where the vision ends. Setting goals can be about as exciting as a root canal, if not approached with the same powerful imagery as your vision board. Dr. Stephen Covey, in his groundbreaking book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” says that when planning, it’s important to begin with the end in mind. He says that all things are created twice – first, the mental creation, and second, the physical creation. You see, just as in creating your vision for your life, you must go inward and “see” that which does not yet exist. Then, as your vision becomes clearly defined, you can work backward from the end to determine all the steps you can take to achieve your vision.

It’s about eliminating those life-draining habits that we’ve become all too familiar – dare I say “comfortable” – with, and engaging in establishing life-giving, affirming patterns for your life. Maintaining your vision board, your goals list, and working to establish the new patterns will all serve as catalysts to get you moving in the direction of your dreams. And more importantly, they will help to keep you motivated as you continue down the path and encounter obstacles or challenges.

So, how’s your vision now?

A Look Back, and a Leap Forward

At this writing, we are already four days into the New Year of 2010. I want to extend my sincerest wishes to all of you for a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year! For some it is the last year in the decade, while others consider it the beginning of the next. I’m not here to debate your position on that and no matter which side of the argument you are on, the one thing that remains constant is that we have an opportunity to look back at all this past year has brought – triumphs and challenges, joys and sorrows, optimism and fear – and hopefully gain a new perspective on our lives.

To say that 2009 was a challenging year for many of us would certainly be an understatement. We were assaulted at every turn with the news of yet another financial meltdown, another business or bank collapse, bailouts and crises, another round of jobs being cut, and let’s not forget the foreclosures. In a nutshell, it’s probably a year that many of us would choose to forget if we could. But if that is all we choose to see, then we are failing to also see that there were many positive and optimistic things that happened this past year. Look at your own life, and surely you can see that not all was adrift in pessimism and pain. What’s really true?

From a very personal perspective, as many of you know, in November of 2008, I was let go from a corporate job I had held for more than 25 years. To say that my sense of security was shaken, and that my belief in the notion of hard work and loyalty paying off was challenged, is certainly true. And I was presented with an opportunity all of you also have – the undeniable truth that I get to decide what’s next for me. But it all started with a goal I had set at the beginning of 2008 to follow my heart and my passion and to stop living a life that is less than I deserve.

In reflecting back on this last year, I see so many positive and confirming signs that my life is exactly on the track it is supposed to be on. I completed my formal in-person coach training in late 2008, right after being laid off, then in 2009 went through a rigorous certification and testing process and received my professional coaching credentials from both The Coaches Training Institute and the International Coach Federation – accomplishments that I am incredibly proud of. I certainly could never have accomplished that if I was mired in the pessimism and fear that many embraced. I chose a different path – and I have benefitted greatly from it. I am living my dream for my own life – helping others to connect with their higher selves and to take their lives from ordinary to extraordinary. I have never been more fully alive!

Now, it’s your turn. Take some time to reconnect with all that happened in 2009. Look at your achievements, challenges, frustrations, inspirations, goals and dreams, and ask yourself what’s really true. I’m willing to bet you can’t say that the entire year was utterly miserable for you. Our challenge is to stay connected to those things that matter most to us, and to re-engage consciously with all that we have to be grateful for. When we do this, it makes it possible for us to recall the good things and to realistically assess our year. It doesn’t mean that we forget or attempt to nullify any negative experiences – there is learning in those, too. What it does mean, however, is that we can regain our sense of self and realize that every experience offers us the opportunity to learn and grow and move closer to becoming the person we most want to be. It’s also an important distinction that we realize while we can learn much from the past, it’s important that we not live there.

So now, let’s take a leap forward. What does 2010 look like from this new perspective? What are the things you wanted to do in 2009 that you might have left on the table? What new and exciting journeys are you ready to take in the coming year? Take some time to connect to your bigger vision for your life, and really take note of those things that are most meaningful to you. That is where your dreams live.

I’m not talking about just setting some resolutions for the coming year. We’ve all been down that road. Recent studies have shown that more than 75% of new years resolutions fail to come to fruition. This is about being and living to your full potential. It’s way bigger than just setting some nebulous goals that you may or may not be fully engaged with. It’s about connecting with your magnificent vision for your life. Where is the “juice” in your life? What moves you? What makes you feel passionate when you think about it? That’s the place to plan from.

In taking this step and planning your journey, it’s vitally important to connect to those things that will enhance your life and bring you closer to your vision. In other words, you have to know what you want. It must be meaningful to you, and not based on what you think you “should” or “need” to do – and certainly not based on what others tell you that you should do. Don’t listen to your inner critic or saboteur (recall the June 2009 newsletter). Listen to your heart. The goals must be resonant and authentic to you.

Ask yourself this question – What will it give me to have/achieve this thing in my life? What’s the payoff for getting this? If you have a strong enough reason to pursue your goals, you are more likely to sustain your efforts even during challenges or seeming defeats. The promise of how your life will be enriched by accomplishing your goal provides the fuel to keep your passion fired up. It will help you stay strong and committed to the task at hand. There is an old quote that says, “If you have a strong enough why, then you can endure almost any how.”

It’s also important to set up accountability measures for yourself. Who are the people or resources that you can utilize to keep you focused and on track? There are few who have the drive and ability to hold themselves accountable without some outside assistance. Many times we fail to hold ourselves accountable or to set up these checkpoints, and we fail to realize our goals. Identify those resources in your life, and use them to help build momentum. Be careful to select those people who have a stake in your success, those people who are as interested in seeing you live to your full potential as you are. They are the ones who will encourage you when you’re struggling, push you when you need it, and will cheer you on consistently as you make progress toward fulfilling your goals.

Celebrate! How many times in your life have you failed to celebrate when you achieve a major goal or milestone? Without the celebration of our accomplishments, they become just another item to check off a list. Is that how you see your goals? Or are they events to honor and commemorate as important steps on your life journey? No amount of outside acknowledgment can replace that internal knowing that you are moving closer to your magnificent self, and becoming the fully realized person that most inspires you! So go ahead and pat yourself on the back and celebrate your victories! You’ll find that it strengthens your resolve to continue.

These are just a few of the ways you can help yourself to develop, plan, and implement goals that will truly resonate in your life. These are the goals that will spur your dreams, ignite your passion, and take you on a journey that leads to greater fulfillment in your life. After all, you deserve it!