You Always Have a Choice

Ever have one of those days when it just feels as though the Universe is conspiring against you? You know the ones. When you go to the cupboard to get the cereal and the box is empty. Or you get a flat tire on the way to the big meeting. Or the dog grabs the steak off the counter when you’re not looking. Whatever the case, sometimes it simply feels like the whole world is out to get you. As I have been known to say to friends jokingly, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you!”

Well folks, today I had one of those days. Let me fill you in. As I was getting the cold cuts and condiments out of the fridge to make my kids’ lunches, I bumped a tray of fresh blueberries, which tumbled onto the floor and scattered around the kitchen – rolling around like so many little blue escapees from their plastic prison, and into every nook and cranny they could find. As I took a small step back to assess the spill, I stepped onto about four or five of them, crushing them into the floor. Nice. “Cleanup on aisle 7!”

Then later, as I was making my breakfast, I had decided that I felt like having an omelet. (One of the perks of working from home is that I now eat better!) As I was cooking the eggs, I lifted the frying pan; and as I had done so many times before, with a delicate, nimble flip of the wrist, attempted to flip the omelet over. I say attempted as though it were more than a feeble effort at this culinary art form, and knowing full well that in the middle of this stab at gastronomic greatness, I had ever so slightly hesitated. I was doomed. The omelet flopped mercilessly in the air, landing on the edge of the frying pan rather than in the middle as I had grown accustomed to. Half of my breakfast falling helplessly to the kitchen floor in an unceremonious “splat!” Great!

So here I am, standing in the middle of the kitchen holding this now twisted, deformed excuse for an omelet – egg still dripping from the edge of the pan. And in that very moment, I knew. I had a choice. Based on these two seemingly sinister incidents, I could blow my top and begin the parade of profanity that I have (sorry to say) conceded to so many times before. Besides, it was just me and the dogs hanging around. The kids had left for school. No one else would ever know, or hear, or care. OR… I could…

It began as a small chuckle, then cascaded into a series of belly laughs the likes of which I haven’t felt in what seemed like months, or even years. I stood there with frying pan in hand, egg on floor and slippers, and laughed at the cosmic joke that was being played on me at that very moment! Listen, I’m no saint. But when something’s funny, it’s just funny. And this was one of those rare moments when I got to see just how silly life is, and how unpredictable it can be, and how we always have a choice of how we react to it!

I have no proof for you that any of this occurred, and if you ask my wife and kids, they may even find my reaction hard to believe based on my past performance. (Like I said, I’m no saint.) What I can tell you unequivocally is this – it happened just as I have written here. I don’t know if, given the same set of circumstances, I would react the same way were it to happen again. I guess only time will tell.

But what I can tell you is this – each and every day of our lives, we are presented with circumstances that would seem to be beyond our control, sometimes menacing, many times there to teach us something; and the events themselves are neutral. That’s right. Neutral. What makes them good, bad, or otherwise, is how we choose to interpret and respond to them. When we go on auto, and allow the circumstances to dictate our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we literally give away our power. Our power to choose. Our power to decide. Our power to control our own behaviors.

So the next time you find the cereal box empty, or you get that flat tire, or you flip half an omelet onto the floor, ask yourself this one question, “What does this really mean?” If you can remain objective, and be aware of your thoughts and feelings, put your automatic response mechanisms on hold, you may just be surprised to find yourself laughing. Laughing at the circumstances, at the silliness and unpredictability of life, and maybe even laughing at yourself. Hey, it could happen.

How Do You Measure Up?

Like much of the civilized world, I have spent the last ten days watching the amazing spectacle called the Winter Olympic Games. I am continually surprised and sometimes overwhelmed by the athleticism, grace, and passion that these incredible athletes display. They have worked for years – most of them in obscurity – to perfect their craft and strive to reach for their very best performances. Every day my family and I settle in to watch the games and cheer for the American athletes who are competing.

As each competition takes place, I often find myself wondering how these athletes can do what they do. Whether they compete in skating, skiing, snowboarding or any of the other sports, the level of athletic prowess and dedication of each of these competitors is apparent. Clearly, these are athletes at the top of their respective games.

And then it happens. As each competition unfolds, and each medal is awarded, we are constantly reminded of “the count.” Suddenly this incredible spectacle of sport, these athletes pouring their hearts and souls into their performances, is reduced to a comparison of which country has won the most medals. How do we measure up against the total medal counts of the other participating countries?

It seems to fly in the face of the true spirit of the Olympic Games, which is supposed to represent the purest elements of sports, and honor the athletes who are there to compete. Besides, who is the real winner – the one who medals almost purely on superior talent and yet doesn’t perform to their very best, or the one who in defeat has shown the ability to push themselves beyond what they thought possible and create a new level of performance for themselves?

How do you measure up? It seems to be a prevailing question asked of so many of us in our society. We tend to compare ourselves continually to the other people in our lives or others who are in positions related to ours. “If I do this, how does that compare to how he/she does it?” We also have others (bosses, peers, coworkers) comparing our performances to someone else, be it someone in our own department or someone in our profession who is considered a top performer.

One of the things I love most about the Olympics is listening to these spectacular athletes talk about their preparation, training, and mindset going into the Games. Almost to a person, regardless of whether they win or lose, they will say in interviews that they are happy if they were able to reach deep down inside and perform at their personal best. For these extremely competitive athletes to be able to see the true essence of why they compete offers us a terrific lesson we can use in our own lives.

Why are we so willing to compare ourselves to others? What good can possibly come from it? Society many times would seem to drive us toward this never-ending competition. If you want to get ahead, you must be better than the next guy. The only way to get ahead is to excel against our competition at any cost.

The undeniable truth, however, is that it’s a fool’s game. We can never control or affect anyone’s performance but our own. Rather than comparing ourselves to someone else, there is far more benefit in focusing on the one thing we can control – our own performance. When we are able to do that, we are far more likely to perform at our best levels and enjoy positive results. And regardless of the outcome, we preserve our own sense of self worth and well-being. One of my all-time favorite quotes on this topic is from Judy Garland, who said, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

In your preparations for your day-to-day performance, it’s important to check in with yourself and acknowledge your level of dedication and focus in sharpening your skills. Have you done all you can to prepare for what’s possible? Are you looking for ways to learn and grow so that you can become skilled and respected in your chosen profession? Are you pushing yourself daily to be your best? If not, what can you do differently? It’s vitally important to have a clear picture of the outcome you desire, and to take steps to prepare for what must be done to achieve it.

It’s also important to be aware of your mindset as you prepare for each day. One of the things I do every day is to focus on my intentions for the day and make sure that my thoughts and feelings support the achievement of those goals. To put it in terms of Olympic competition, if you are standing in the starting gate thinking you won’t win, what are the chances of you standing on that medal platform? The same principle applies to your intentions for your daily performance. Focusing on the positive outcome you desire, and seeing it occur in your mind, creates a certainty that what you want is possible. Remember, the body achieves what the mind believes.

In the end, the only comparison that truly matters is whether we are performing to our own best skills, talents, and abilities. Anything less will lead to a “less-than” life. And truthfully, we all deserve to live a “greater-than” life!

How’s Your Vision?

I have worn reading glasses for many years to treat astigmatism. Still, I used to be able to read or work on my computer for short periods of time without my glasses. Over the course of the last year or so, I had noticed a marked deterioration in my vision. More often than not, if I didn’t have my glasses nearby I couldn’t read anything other than the largest type on anything that was handed to me. I can still see my wife handing me a photo or one of the kid’s school papers, and I would take it and sheepishly hold it almost at arm’s length just to be able to add some level of focus on the document. Once I put my existing glasses on, I could read again, although still not as clearly as in the past.

Of course, being a guy, I waited longer than I should to schedule an appointment to have my eyes checked. (Guys, let’s face it – it’s no secret that we’re not very good at listening to our bodies or taking action quickly when we notice aches, pains, or any other forms of age-related wear and tear on our bodies.) So I paid a visit to my eye doctor and got the scoop on my vision. As I had already figured out, it was appreciably worse than the last time I had my eyes examined. The optometrist wrote the prescription for my new glasses, and I was on my way to better vision.

How’s your vision? What do you see when you look at your life? What do you anticipate will come for you in your future? What’s right in front of you that you may be missing? Ah, vision; it can be such a confusing, multi-dimensional and tremendously powerful word. We often think of the sense of sight when we hear the word, but as you can see from the questions above, it has much more depth to it than eyesight alone.

Entrepreneurs and CEO’s are said to have vision. Certainly they need to know where they want to go in terms of building their businesses. Ask anyone who runs their own company and they’ll be sure to tell you that the first thing they needed when they began their venture was a vision of where they want to go, and how they’re going to get there. Some companies believe so strongly in the power of a shared vision, that they pay consultants millions of dollars to help them craft their “Vision Statement.”

What is your “Vision Statement?” Do you have one? When is the last time you took a look at your own life and got clarity on your vision for yourself? What will fulfill you; make you feel fully alive? What do you need in order to get that clarity? Well, a good place to start is with the basics. What do you want? Simple enough question, right? Not so fast, my visionary friend!

There are a lot of people out there who cannot articulate with clarity what they most want for their lives. Oh, sure, they can tell you with remarkable clarity what they don’t want in their lives, but to tell you what they do want is nearly impossible. I know, because I used to be one of those people. I lacked a vision for my life. How does that happen? Could be any number of reasons. They may have become so jaded by past events or traumas that they have literally given up on the notion that what they want even matters any more. Maybe they’ve come face to face with obstacles so daunting that they threw in the towel and went back to their old established patterns. Or, maybe they’ve never really given it much thought because they got so caught up in their day-to-day existence – working, raising kids, paying bills, etc. – that they forgot it is their right and privilege to create their own life! Whatever the reason, the good news is there is a way to break through the patterns of self-limiting belief and create a compelling vision for your life.

Know what you want. I’m not just talking about the mundane, like knowing what you want for lunch. I’m talking big picture here. What’s your vision for your ideal life? What would your life look like if you refused to accept a second-rate existence and settled for nothing less than living to your full potential, using your talents and skills to their full extent? It’s like the difference between being pushed down the path of your life by deadlines, expectations, and lists of things to do, versus being pulled down the path by a compelling vision that speaks to the true heart of who you are.

Have you ever heard of a “Vision Board?” It’s a concept that’s been around for a long time. You take photos, drawings, words, and other meaningful images, and place them all on a large poster board. Put it somewhere that you will see it every day, several times a day. It’s a reminder of all that you are working toward. It literally becomes the “bigger picture” for your life. This is what your life will look like, feel like, sound like, even smell and taste like! It’s the picture of your best life. It’s not someone else’s definition of the good life; it is your thrilling, breathtaking, exhilarating image of how life will look once you achieve your vision!

Of course, you also need a plan to get there. That’s where goals come in. For many, this is where the vision ends. Setting goals can be about as exciting as a root canal, if not approached with the same powerful imagery as your vision board. Dr. Stephen Covey, in his groundbreaking book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” says that when planning, it’s important to begin with the end in mind. He says that all things are created twice – first, the mental creation, and second, the physical creation. You see, just as in creating your vision for your life, you must go inward and “see” that which does not yet exist. Then, as your vision becomes clearly defined, you can work backward from the end to determine all the steps you can take to achieve your vision.

It’s about eliminating those life-draining habits that we’ve become all too familiar – dare I say “comfortable” – with, and engaging in establishing life-giving, affirming patterns for your life. Maintaining your vision board, your goals list, and working to establish the new patterns will all serve as catalysts to get you moving in the direction of your dreams. And more importantly, they will help to keep you motivated as you continue down the path and encounter obstacles or challenges.

So, how’s your vision now?

A Look Back, and a Leap Forward

At this writing, we are already four days into the New Year of 2010. I want to extend my sincerest wishes to all of you for a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year! For some it is the last year in the decade, while others consider it the beginning of the next. I’m not here to debate your position on that and no matter which side of the argument you are on, the one thing that remains constant is that we have an opportunity to look back at all this past year has brought – triumphs and challenges, joys and sorrows, optimism and fear – and hopefully gain a new perspective on our lives.

To say that 2009 was a challenging year for many of us would certainly be an understatement. We were assaulted at every turn with the news of yet another financial meltdown, another business or bank collapse, bailouts and crises, another round of jobs being cut, and let’s not forget the foreclosures. In a nutshell, it’s probably a year that many of us would choose to forget if we could. But if that is all we choose to see, then we are failing to also see that there were many positive and optimistic things that happened this past year. Look at your own life, and surely you can see that not all was adrift in pessimism and pain. What’s really true?

From a very personal perspective, as many of you know, in November of 2008, I was let go from a corporate job I had held for more than 25 years. To say that my sense of security was shaken, and that my belief in the notion of hard work and loyalty paying off was challenged, is certainly true. And I was presented with an opportunity all of you also have – the undeniable truth that I get to decide what’s next for me. But it all started with a goal I had set at the beginning of 2008 to follow my heart and my passion and to stop living a life that is less than I deserve.

In reflecting back on this last year, I see so many positive and confirming signs that my life is exactly on the track it is supposed to be on. I completed my formal in-person coach training in late 2008, right after being laid off, then in 2009 went through a rigorous certification and testing process and received my professional coaching credentials from both The Coaches Training Institute and the International Coach Federation – accomplishments that I am incredibly proud of. I certainly could never have accomplished that if I was mired in the pessimism and fear that many embraced. I chose a different path – and I have benefitted greatly from it. I am living my dream for my own life – helping others to connect with their higher selves and to take their lives from ordinary to extraordinary. I have never been more fully alive!

Now, it’s your turn. Take some time to reconnect with all that happened in 2009. Look at your achievements, challenges, frustrations, inspirations, goals and dreams, and ask yourself what’s really true. I’m willing to bet you can’t say that the entire year was utterly miserable for you. Our challenge is to stay connected to those things that matter most to us, and to re-engage consciously with all that we have to be grateful for. When we do this, it makes it possible for us to recall the good things and to realistically assess our year. It doesn’t mean that we forget or attempt to nullify any negative experiences – there is learning in those, too. What it does mean, however, is that we can regain our sense of self and realize that every experience offers us the opportunity to learn and grow and move closer to becoming the person we most want to be. It’s also an important distinction that we realize while we can learn much from the past, it’s important that we not live there.

So now, let’s take a leap forward. What does 2010 look like from this new perspective? What are the things you wanted to do in 2009 that you might have left on the table? What new and exciting journeys are you ready to take in the coming year? Take some time to connect to your bigger vision for your life, and really take note of those things that are most meaningful to you. That is where your dreams live.

I’m not talking about just setting some resolutions for the coming year. We’ve all been down that road. Recent studies have shown that more than 75% of new years resolutions fail to come to fruition. This is about being and living to your full potential. It’s way bigger than just setting some nebulous goals that you may or may not be fully engaged with. It’s about connecting with your magnificent vision for your life. Where is the “juice” in your life? What moves you? What makes you feel passionate when you think about it? That’s the place to plan from.

In taking this step and planning your journey, it’s vitally important to connect to those things that will enhance your life and bring you closer to your vision. In other words, you have to know what you want. It must be meaningful to you, and not based on what you think you “should” or “need” to do – and certainly not based on what others tell you that you should do. Don’t listen to your inner critic or saboteur (recall the June 2009 newsletter). Listen to your heart. The goals must be resonant and authentic to you.

Ask yourself this question – What will it give me to have/achieve this thing in my life? What’s the payoff for getting this? If you have a strong enough reason to pursue your goals, you are more likely to sustain your efforts even during challenges or seeming defeats. The promise of how your life will be enriched by accomplishing your goal provides the fuel to keep your passion fired up. It will help you stay strong and committed to the task at hand. There is an old quote that says, “If you have a strong enough why, then you can endure almost any how.”

It’s also important to set up accountability measures for yourself. Who are the people or resources that you can utilize to keep you focused and on track? There are few who have the drive and ability to hold themselves accountable without some outside assistance. Many times we fail to hold ourselves accountable or to set up these checkpoints, and we fail to realize our goals. Identify those resources in your life, and use them to help build momentum. Be careful to select those people who have a stake in your success, those people who are as interested in seeing you live to your full potential as you are. They are the ones who will encourage you when you’re struggling, push you when you need it, and will cheer you on consistently as you make progress toward fulfilling your goals.

Celebrate! How many times in your life have you failed to celebrate when you achieve a major goal or milestone? Without the celebration of our accomplishments, they become just another item to check off a list. Is that how you see your goals? Or are they events to honor and commemorate as important steps on your life journey? No amount of outside acknowledgment can replace that internal knowing that you are moving closer to your magnificent self, and becoming the fully realized person that most inspires you! So go ahead and pat yourself on the back and celebrate your victories! You’ll find that it strengthens your resolve to continue.

These are just a few of the ways you can help yourself to develop, plan, and implement goals that will truly resonate in your life. These are the goals that will spur your dreams, ignite your passion, and take you on a journey that leads to greater fulfillment in your life. After all, you deserve it!

Making a Difference

Most, if not all of us, want to make a difference in this world. We want to have a positive impact on the lives of others, and we want to leave a legacy – some evidence that we were here and that we mattered. That’s one of the most compelling reasons that I chose to become a Life Coach. I know the difference I am making in the lives of others. I get to write these newsletters every month and touch the lives of people in meaningful ways – many of whom I have never even met. My clients, whether corporate or individual, all are being affected in measurable ways by the work we’re doing together. It’s one of the sustaining factors in keeping me focused and moving forward despite any challenges I may face. I have a very powerful “why” – that internal motivating force that gets me out of bed every day to do the work I get to do.

I am blessed to know many people who are doing the same in their own way. They’re out there in the world making a difference, doing something to make this world a better place for others, leaving a lasting legacy. Today I want to tell you about one of those people. She is a living example of how we can all make a difference if we just choose to stand up, speak up, and give a voice to those who would not otherwise be heard – by anyone.

I first met Keli Wilson at my church. She is a striking woman – tall, thin, and blonde, with girl-next-door good looks. But that is not at all what makes her special. No, if those things are all you notice about her, then you have missed the very best aspects of who Keli Wilson is.

By almost any measure, Keli and her husband, Robert, have lived what could be called a charmed life. He is a successful entrepreneur, and she holds a dual bachelor’s degree in Pre-Medicine and Biology from the University of Nevada, Reno. They have three healthy, amazing children. What else could she possibly want or need in life?

That was exactly the question Keli found herself asking a few years ago. Is this all there is? What is my impact, and how can I make a real difference in the world? She certainly knew that she was blessed, and was living a life that many could only dream of. But there was more to her than meets the eye, and she was not satisfied with merely living this life she was given. No, Keli Wilson had a need, and inner drive, to make a difference.

While on an airplane in January 2008, she saw a 3-minute video that, as she puts it, “Changed my life.” It was a piece on 60 Minutes about an innovative new product that had the potential to save malnourished children all over the world. This amazing nutritional product had a very funny name – Plumpy’nut.

It was developed by two doctors who had watched many children suffer and die of malnutrition in hospitals in the poorest parts of Africa. At that time, they had only one option: to give them a soy- or milk-based product. The children were not responding very well to that treatment, and the recovery rate was low – less than 25%. They knew that something had to be done. One of the doctors was inspired by Nutella, the Italian hazelnut spread. Together, the two worked in a kitchen with a multitude of ingredients and a blender to come up with something innovative and effective, and Plumpy'nut was born.

Plumpy'nut is made from peanut paste, milk powder, vitamins and minerals and is jam-packed with protein and calories. It comes in a foil packet, has a two-year shelf life, requires no water (a huge benefit), and a child can take it home and even feed himself. Before this, children would have to be hospitalized, and their mothers would have to be away from their homes, unable to take care of the rest of the children and the family farm.

Keli saw this amazing video and the groundbreaking work these doctors were doing, and she knew instantly that she had to be part of it. This was going to be her way of making a difference in the world. She would help give a voice to the millions of starving children around the world, and would work tirelessly to see that they have the opportunity to receive the most basic nutrition and thereby have a chance to live and grow and reach their potential in life.

The most startling discovery that Keli made when she looked more closely at the issue of worldwide hunger is that the group most affected by this “silent tsunami” is the age group of children 5 and under. The first five years of life are critical in the overall development of a child. If they are malnourished, they will not have proper brain development, growth will be stunted, and their immune system will be compromised. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that hunger and malnutrition contribute to more than 5 million deaths each year (some estimates are as high as 15 million) of children under the age of five.

As a result of these startling statistics, and the immense human toll, Keli and her husband formed a non-profit, non-governmental, humanitarian organization called The Hand of Hope International. Their sole purpose is to bring hope and inspiration to the multitudes of starving children around the world by providing them with food, shelter, education, and disaster relief. Now that is a huge “why.”

As Keli says so beautifully, “Saving the life of a child is not about charity, it is about justice.” Many of us are parents. And we live in a country that is rich beyond measure compared to most of the rest of the world. However, many Americans tend to take this fact for granted. Think about how it would feel to know that your children stand a better chance of dying before the age of five than of living to see their adult years. That is a thought that haunts Keli and Robert Wilson when they think of all the children around the world who go to bed hungry every night, with little hope of remedying that fact on their own.

Of course, there is also hunger and starvation in this great nation of ours – a fact that does not go unnoticed by Keli and HHI. They do plan to work in the United States to help stem the tide of hunger, as there are no boundaries on who they intend to assist. However, at this time they are focused on helping the poorest of the poor, the sickest of the sick. Her philosophy is simple, “Where you live shouldn’t determine whether you live.”

One of the most unexpected findings I made while doing research and talking with Keli for this newsletter is just how little it costs to make a major impact in the life of a child. A mere $15 can save a child from starvation by purchasing a supply of Plumpy’nut that will give them 2-3 treatments a day for 6-8 weeks. I think you will all agree that it’s an amazingly small price to pay when it comes to saving lives.

Keli spends much of her time promoting the organization as well as seeking corporate and foundation partnerships to complement the individual donations they receive. One of the most amazing aspects of HHI is that there are absolutely NO administrative costs. All money collected goes directly to the cause. In a world where we see more dollars going into running the organization than to reaching the actual people who need help, HHI is a breath of fresh air and a model for how to truly serve others.

Most of us have seen the videos of starving children around the world, we know the pain and suffering of these most vulnerable and poor, and we are certainly moved by those stark images. But how many of us have found the courage, desire, and deep love for our fellow man that it takes to actually stand up and do something? As Martin Luther King, Jr. said so eloquently, “Life’s most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?”

Keli Wilson is a wife, a mother, a leader, a servant, a person making a difference in a world that all too often focuses solely on the question of “What’s in it for me?” She sets a high standard of how we are all called to serve each other.

How will you make a difference in the world? It doesn’t have to be big and bold and worldwide. It can be in your own state, your own community, your own church or business, and especially in your own family. All it takes is a big enough “why” and the courage to take a stand.

If you would like to make a donation or learn more about The Hand of Hope International and their cause in bringing basic nutrition to starving children around the world, please visit their website at www.thehandofhopeinternational.org.

How Beliefs Shape Your World

One of the most rewarding things I get to do as a life coach is to ask powerful questions that get people to look deep inside at many of their patterns, values, and beliefs. I will ask them to find the evidence in their lives to support some belief, especially when it’s one that does not serve them. If there is no evidence to support it, then the belief must change. It’s tremendously gratifying to see someone let go of a previously held self-limiting belief that has been preventing them from moving forward and living to their full potential.

However, sometimes someone comes along who will, through nothing more than their unbridled passion for life and unwavering faith in a world of possibilities, get us to shift our own beliefs about what’s possible merely from their own presence. They are an inspiration. For me, that someone happens to be my niece and Goddaughter, Danielle.

Danielle Ciccotti was born on May 27, 1994, to my brother Dan and his wife Stephani. By all initial accounts everything was fine. She was a beautiful little girl with a bright red head of hair, and her parents and older sister, Angella, could not have been happier.

But soon after they took her home, they began to notice little things that just didn’t seem right. They noticed that she was having a hard time holding her head steady, and at four months they noticed that her eyes were severely crossed. They took her to the doctor, and were told that because of her crossed eyes, she was having difficulty with balance and fine motor skills. She would need surgery to repair her eyes.

A close friend of theirs, who also happens to be the wife of a doctor, told them the very first time that she held Danielle, “There’s something wrong with this baby.” They said they knew, and that once her eyes were fixed, everything would be fine. But she was not convinced. And her words would continue to drive them over the next several months to seek more medical advice.

The first time I met this wonder of life and love, she was still just a baby. I had flown to Connecticut to take part in her baptism, and was thrilled to meet this new addition to our family. I noticed immediately that, even at 6 months old, she could not hold her head up, and her eyes were still very crossed. Dan And Stephani would alternate patches over each eye, at the direction of the doctors, in order to strengthen them independently of each other. When holding her, great care had to be taken to support her head and neck, as she was very much like a little ragdoll in my arms, and I didn’t want her to injure her neck from the drastic movements of her head as she struggled to hold it up.

She was, however, one of the happiest babies I can remember seeing. Even then she had a spark. It was obvious that she loved to be held and talked to. She was a real sweetheart, and holding her in your arms, it was impossible to not fall immediately in love with her.

Over the course of the next several months, they took her from doctor to doctor, desperate to find out exactly what the root cause of the problem was. She had her eyes surgically repaired, yet she was still unable to control her movements and missed milestone after milestone in her development.

Finally, after much searching, they ended up at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD, where they were able to diagnose the issue. The diagnosis was Ataxia, a debilitating affliction marked by gross lack of coordination of muscle movements. It was due to a “severely underdeveloped” cerebellum according to the doctors. The news hit them like a heavyweight body blow. They were told that Danielle would never walk, never talk, and never be capable of living an independent life. But, if you know my sister-in-law, you would know that she would never accept that description of her baby girl’s fate.

Over the next few years as Danielle grew, she was loved, nurtured, and supported through incalculable physical and emotional challenges and at times seemingly torturous physical therapy to strengthen her muscles and improve coordination as much as possible. She learned sign language since speech is controlled by fine motor skills, and hers were severely impaired by the ataxia. And through all this, Danielle displayed the type of courage and determination that seems typically reserved for those brave few who face their challenges undaunted, certain that regardless of the obstacles that they would indeed triumph over their circumstances.

She refused to give in, and she eventually learned to speak – albeit in a manner that requires the listener to focus closely on her words as she painstakingly pushes through the challenge to communicate. Sometimes, when necessary her mom or dad or sister will act as translator. It’s a small price to pay for the joy of hearing her speak. If they are not around, then Danielle will write it down so the listener can understand fully.

When she was eight years old, she asked her mother if she would ever walk. Stephani agonized over what her answer would be. “What could I tell this amazing and beautiful little girl?” So, she did the only thing her heart would allow her to do. She looked her in the eyes and said with all the courage and conviction she could muster, “Of course you’ll walk.”

Danielle asked, “How do you know?”

To which Stephani replied, “Because I’m your mama, and I know!”

Danielle was determined to walk, and in 2001 she was blessed by receiving a “balance dog” named, appropriately enough, Walker. Walker was like a gift from God. She gave Danielle the ability to walk on her own, without crutches or braces, by using special harness and leaning on her for much-needed balance. Over the next 8 years, the two would become inseparable. Wherever you saw Danielle, there was her trusted best friend, Walker. Eventually over time, Danielle’s legs strengthened, and her coordination showed improvement. At her Eighth Grade Graduation ceremony, Danielle would defy the odds and walk unassisted across the stage to receive her diploma. The roars of the crowd were deafening, and none were more raucous than those of her loving family.

She continues to defy the odds, and at 15 years old she now attends high school – with eight buildings and 3,000 students – something that seemed impossible just a few short years ago. She is also a Special Olympian, and competes in bowling, cycling, sailing, and skiing; and she is a Global Messenger for Special Olympics, representing the organization at events from golf tournaments to fundraisers. She has even given speeches in front of crowds of as many as 300 people! She acknowledges that her biggest hurdle is overcoming her own challenges and fears.

And yet, that is exactly what she continues to do every day of her life. This past August, she endured what seems to be her most difficult challenge to date. Her beloved Walker, her constant companion of eight years, had to be put down. She had reached that part of her life where she was no longer able to live pain-free, and her own physical challenges now trumped those of her adoring Danielle.

She endures daily trials without her Walker, and she struggles to maintain her daily schedule. She says she falls a lot, and the amount of energy she must exert just to get from one class to the next is incalculable. It leaves her exhausted and at times hinders her ability to focus in class and learn all that she wants to learn.

And still, she will not give up! She pushes through every challenge – and they are many – with the courage and determination of a warrior, unwavering in her commitment to get through it. She believes in herself, and her ability to overcome her obstacles. And those beliefs – at first supported by nothing more than her faith – now have a lifetime of supporting evidence. Her belief in her ability to triumph over her circumstances is well documented. Her spirit is indomitable.

We often use the word “hero” a little too loosely at times. We use it for real-life heroes like Sully Sullenberger, who saved a plane full of people from certain death. We use it to describe the men and women of our military who face death every day in their fight to defend our country. And here, in Preston, CT, we use it to describe the courage of a little girl that most people will never have the joy of meeting. Danielle Ciccotti is a hero. Hell, she is MY hero! And we all have a lot to learn from the way this incredible girl uses her beliefs to shape her world.

What do YOU believe?

Are you looking to challenge some long-held beliefs in your life? Maybe you’d like to make some changes or find out what’s next for you. If so, then give me a call today at 775-750-4008. Let’s talk about all the exciting ways that coaching can help you to create an extraordinary life. Not sure? I offer free half-hour sample sessions, so give it a try. What have you got to lose? Who knows? You just may end up with a whole new set of beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of.

Fulfillment

Fulfillment. Seems like a simple enough word, wouldn’t you say? But what does fulfillment mean to you? If I asked fifty people that question, I would probably get fifty unique answers. But wait a minute, isn’t fulfillment the same thing for everyone? How can it be that complicated when it’s such a simple concept? Or is it really that simple at all?

Webster’s defines fulfillment this way: The act of fulfilling; accomplishment; completion; as, the fulfillment of prophecy. That sounds pretty bland if you ask me. It also implies on some level that fulfillment is a completion, a destination, a task accomplished. But in the context of a fulfilling life, it’s not that at all. Fulfillment is a journey, not a destination.

We tend to mistakenly interchange the word fulfillment with “happiness.” But really they are mutually exclusive terms. You can be incredibly fulfilled and yet deeply sorrowful at the same time. Of course, you can also be extremely happy, as well. The reason lies in the context of your life at any given moment.

Let me give you an example. One of the most extraordinarily fulfilling moments of my life came at one of the most difficult and grief-stricken times for me. In 1997, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphatic cancer. Little did we realize at the time, but within ten agonizing and fleeting days she would be gone. To this day, I still get emotional when I talk about it because it was such a profoundly sorrowful time in my life. I loved my mother dearly, and she was a light for our family, as well as for anyone she came in contact with over her all-too-short life span. Truthfully, as I type these words, I can feel a warm tear trickling down my cheek. Twelve years have done little to ease the sting of losing her.

I vividly remember sitting there in the ICU, along with my father and my five siblings all keeping vigil around her bed as she slowly, painfully slipped away from us. She was hooked up to all sorts of wires, tubes, and breathing apparatus, as she could no longer breathe on her own. I can’t even put into words what it was like to watch this beautiful, intelligent, warm, loving woman who gave me life, gradually deteriorate as she edged closer to her final breath.

The tears poured freely for all of us, as we sat mostly in stunned silence, already having told the doctors that we did not want them to take any heroic measures should she go into cardiac arrest. She was finished with this fight, and there was no way for her to win now. We only wanted her to finally be at peace, and to be free of pain. We sat around her, all of her children and the man with whom she had spent her last 35 years, clinging to the unrealistic hope that some miracle would occur and she would just magically sit up, smile that beautiful, warm smile of hers, and ask “What’s all the fuss about?” Of course, it was not to be.

I sat there, holding her hand in mine, listening as we all recalled some of our favorite moments and memories of her. She would squeeze our hand from time to time, even though her eyes never opened, and the doctors and nurses assured us it was nothing more than reflexes. We knew better. She could hear us, and at the most appropriate times, she would give an ever-so-slight squeeze to let us know she heard and was laughing along with us.

After some undetermined time, I recall leaning down to her ear. I whispered, “It’s okay to let go, mom. We love you, and we don’t want you to suffer any longer. It’s okay if you’re ready to say goodbye. We’ll take care of each other.”

Now, in terms of emotional pain and anguish, I can tell you I have never in my life felt anything even close to the moment when the line on the EKG went flat. Time stood still, and I felt as though I had been plunged into total darkness and despair. But I will also tell you this – I would never in a million years, for any amount of money, trade that tender moment of my life away. I hold it close in my heart for all time.

Of course, I have also had many, many joyous periods of fulfillment in my life! I recall with tremendous gratitude and pleasure my wedding day, the birth of my children and my grandson, and many other equally ecstatic moments. I just use this one story to illustrate the fact that fulfillment is not about being happy. It’s about being truly engaged in your life and present to the moments that really matter, the ones that you never want to forget. There is a great quote that I have hanging in a frame on the wall of my home and it really captures the essence of what fulfillment is all about. It says, “It’s not the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.” Simple enough. Fulfillment.