Fear or Faith?

It’s very popular today to latch onto the notion that life is nothing but a struggle, times are beyond tough, and there is no hope in sight. Just watch the nightly news or read the papers and you’ll see the signs everywhere. Massive job losses. Rising foreclosures. Companies going out of business. Banks failing. We are being bombarded with these images of doom and gloom and there is seemingly no hope and no escape.

But what is true? I certainly do not mean to minimize in any way the real pain and struggle that is out there today. People are having to do more with less and learn to live in ways that just a few months ago would have seemed otherworldly and completely unrealistic. Times are indeed very tough for many of us.

But is that really all there is? Aren’t there any signs that things can and will get better? Is there nothing good or positive happening out there today? It depends on what you choose to focus on. That’s right – the notion of whether things will ever improve is very much dependent on what we choose to consciously pay attention to and give power over our conscious thoughts.

There is a great truth that you cannot get what you really want if all you ever think about is what you don’t want. It’s critically important to remember that we get whatever it is that we focus on in life. So, if all you ever think about is what you don’t want… guess what you are creating in your life?

The human brain is an amazing and powerful super-computer. It is far more advanced than anything science can devise. And yet, there are some things about our brains that seem almost counterintuitive. For example, were you aware that the human brain at its core does not know the difference between a highly detailed and descriptive thought or fantasy and reality? It’s true.

And beyond that, here is the real kicker – whatever the mind sees as being “true”, it will do everything it can to create that same picture in reality. Wow, that can seem like a very foreign concept to many people. But the fact remains that it has been proven out in multiple studies performed on many of society’s highest achievers. They link much of their ability to achieve success to their focus on highly detailed and well thought out goals, plans, or even dreams. They “see” it in their minds as already having been achieved, and then they work to make it reality.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that you can just “think away” your challenges or troubles. But what I am saying is that you have the ultimate control over where you go from here. That is, if you have the determination, clarity, and focus to create a compelling, detailed, and very specific picture of what you want.

For example, if you want a new car, do you just think to yourself “Hmm, I think I’d like a new car. I’ll go visit my local dealer and buy one.”? Or do you think, “I want a Honda Accord LX, with tan leather interior, navigation system, 6 disc CD changer, chrome wheels, sunroof, … etc.” Do you see the difference in the quality of those two scenarios? Both may end up getting you a new car, but only one will get you the car that you really want. Clarity provides power.

The point of all this is nothing more than to help you realize that in the journey of your life, you truly have the control to get you where you want to go. The key is in your ability to decide with complete clarity what it is that you want, create that compelling vision in your mind, be specific and detailed, see it as already having been achieved, and then create the steps to bring it to reality.

I guess you could say in the end that it’s really a matter of faith. The choice is yours. Which do you want to live in – fear or faith?

What’s Holding You Back?

Not long ago, I went through an exercise that was for me nothing short of excruciating. For anyone who is a “collector” of items from your past, this may resonate with you more than others. For those of you who are not collectors, well, read on anyway because there may still be learning in this message.

I had decided at some point in time – I’m not really sure what brought this on – that it was time for me to go through some of the “clutter” in my life. You know, those things that are hanging around and taking up space for no apparent reason other than the fact that I hadn’t taken the time to look through them and throw some things away. Make space. I knew it was time, so let’s have at it!

I pulled out the boxes, many of them having lain undisturbed for several years. I carefully brushed off the dust that had collected on them and opened them to survey their precious contents. To the casual observer, most of what I saw would be considered nothing more than so much junk. But to me, these were the treasures of my past. These “things” were at first glance as inseparable from me as my own heart.

Then, as I looked at all these items that I had collected over the years, something began to happen. One by one, I began to take these various objects out, holding them up to the light, and as I did I was almost magically transported back to the moment in time when I had first received them. The memories began to flood back, rapid fire, automatic, seemingly uncontrollable on my part.

I felt things I hadn’t felt in years, remembering events as clearly as if they had just happened yesterday. I could literally touch these memories, feel the same feelings, see the same sights, and even smell the same fragrances. What was going on? Aren’t these just things? How is it possible that after all these years I can reconnect so powerfully with people, places, and events that I had not thought of in some cases for decades?

Our minds are incredibly complex, mystifyingly beautiful, and altogether irritating. To those familiar with the way our minds work, you know what was happening. These things that had sat dormant, locked in boxes like so many discarded memories, are anything but that. They are anchors. My mind had created a powerful connection to these items at the time that I had received them, so much so that all it took was for me to take them out, look at them, hold them and instantly I was transported back to those moments in my life.

The connections were still there, many as strong as ever. Some, painfully so. I realized as I continued to work my way through this collection of oddities and mementos, that some of the memories associated with them were not so pleasant. At one point, I felt the warm trail of a tear tracing its way down my cheek, as I seemed to become immersed in a particularly painful memory. The salty taste of that tear on my tongue left me with a sadness that I had not connected with for many years.

I looked at old pictures of friends now either gone from this earth, or at least gone from my life. I recalled the parties, concerts, and other events that we engaged in with a mixture of both joy and sadness. Joy for the wonderful people I have been blessed with in my life, and sadness for those who are gone or for those with whom I have lost touch for one reason or another.

Just the mere thought of discarding any of these precious treasures was foreign to me. It would be like cutting out a piece of my own heart, disposing of those memories and those people as though none of it had ever happened. Then I began to wonder, am I collecting these things or are they collecting me?

What was I holding on to so tightly that I couldn’t let go? And more importantly, how did some of these things serve me in my life today? Are they relevant any more? I know that all of those events, good bad or otherwise, had shaped who I am today in some fashion or another. But why was I holding on so fiercely to the past? Is that who I am today?

The answer of course is a resounding “NO.” I am not my past. As I recalled the pain and anguish of some of those memories, I realized that I am in many ways tied inextricably to those events. They have a place in my memory, and in my heart. But they are not ME, not who I am today.

What are you holding on to so tightly that you can’t break free? Maybe you are stuck in that mindset of working for a paycheck, rather than doing what inspires you and fulfills you. Maybe you have given up on your dreams of becoming whatever it was that you told yourself you would be “when you grow up.” Or you could be telling yourself “I’ll be happy when…” – when the kids grow up, when your job magically becomes more fulfilling, when you get out of debt – it could be anything. How does that serve you as you strive to live a fulfilling and resonant life? What is your justification for surviving rather than truly living?

You only have one life. That much is certain. You have memories, history, and events from your past that have shaped your life. But make no mistake; those things are not who you are. Let go of the past, of the self-limiting beliefs that have not served you in your quest to become the best possible you. Embrace the possibilities of today, and the promise of tomorrow, and do not remain anchored to the past.

What’s holding you back?

The Art of Optimism

I am always amazed at the willingness of people to abandon their optimism based on what others tell them is or isn’t happening in our world. That is certainly not denying the existence of real pain in our world – it’s in our faces every day now. The economy is failing, jobs are being lost at record-breaking levels and with a speed we have not seen before, homes are in foreclosure, and people are losing hope.

But I am also wondering what the truth is about us… Who are we, and what are we capable of in these most trying times? This is not the first time our country has struggled with difficult times. We, as a nation, have always dug deep and pulled together to regroup, rebuild, and overcome.

How resourceful are you when you give up hope? I’m curious about how optimism, or the lack thereof, impacts the lives and decisions of the people we know – and us. The art of optimism is not to be discounted. Art, you say? Absolutely. It’s about designing your life in a way that brings you closer to your best. It’s about being aware of your thoughts and not giving up your power to choose.

What will you do today to raise your level of awareness of how you are choosing to react to the world around you? It’s true that the only meaning any event has is that which you assign to it. That gives you all the power to choose, to decide how you will show up and how your world will look. It doesn’t discount or ignore that things are not as good as they can be. What it does is gives you a more resourceful place to plan from. The key is the choices that you make; those you make today and every day.

What is your perspective?

This is from an e-Newsletter published on 2/13/09

This past week was one of stark contrasts for me. Last Thursday a dear friend of mine lost his long battle with cancer, succumbing to the effects of this ravaging disease. Then, on Sunday afternoon my oldest daughter gave birth to her first child – my first grandchild! I know it’s a cliché to speak of the circle of life in situations like this, but these two events – on opposite ends of the spectrum – gave me cause to stop and take inventory of my own life and my own perspectives.

I could tell you all the things about him that most people would ask about my friend – where he went to school, what he did for a living, where he grew up, and so on. But are those things the measure of a life well lived? Not from my perspective.

As I reflected on the life of my friend I remembered him to be kind, funny, warm and endearing, and a gifted conversationalist. He was the kind of man who made anyone with him feel as though they were special and that what they had to say was important. Now I will also say that he had a biting and sarcastic sense of humor, but that was reserved for those whom he knew could “take it” and would not be offended; as it certainly was never his intention to offend. I can remember many times walking past his office and just popping my head in to say hello, and then 30 minutes later wondering where the time had gone! That was his gift, and he relished sharing it.

Some see death as an end. It is a time of sorrow and loss. It is a time to weep and to mourn the life that has left us. We are diminished by this person’s absence, and our lives will never be the same. Others see death as a beginning. They are in a better place, where there is no suffering, no pain, and no sorrow. We are more because this person was a part of our lives. It all depends on your perspective.

I wondered to myself how I would be remembered by those whose lives I have touched. I think it only natural to reflect on our own life as we remember those who have gone before us. Did I reach out to others in their time of need? Was I a good husband and father? What about a good friend? Did I show kindness and compassion to children – especially my own? Was I the man my mother hoped I would grow to be? Will it even matter that I was ever here on this earth?

Later that weekend, as I held my precious grandson in my arms for the first time, I again was flooded with thoughts about my life. What kind of grandfather will I be? Will he look up to me? How can I share all that I’ve learned with him as he grows from baby to boy to a man? Will I even see all of that? Nothing is certain.

Then it occurred to me. Nothing matters more than this moment. As I held this perfect little life in my arms, searching his tiny face, admiring every minute detail, I felt the incredible love welling up inside of me, and I knew that nothing could make that moment any better. His life will unfold as it is meant to, and my thinking ahead and wishing will not change any of that. I will certainly play a role in his life, but what that role is will be determined in time.

What will you do today to make sure that you are living the life you were meant to live – the life you are capable of? How will you live so that you honor the person that you are? Your life is filled with endless choices and possibilities; from what to eat for breakfast to what movie to see this weekend to whether or not to refinance your home mortgage. Life is a series of endless choices, and all of them are yours to make.

What will you do with those choices as you seek to live a life that matters? The choice is yours. If it’s true that nothing in life is guaranteed, then we owe it to ourselves to make every moment count. We all have our own definition of what it means to live a good life, a strong life, a life that matters. So, what’s your perspective?