What’s Holding You Back?
Not long ago, I went through an exercise that was for me nothing short of excruciating. For anyone who is a “collector” of items from your past, this may resonate with you more than others. For those of you who are not collectors, well, read on anyway because there may still be learning in this message.
I had decided at some point in time – I’m not really sure what brought this on – that it was time for me to go through some of the “clutter” in my life. You know, those things that are hanging around and taking up space for no apparent reason other than the fact that I hadn’t taken the time to look through them and throw some things away. Make space. I knew it was time, so let’s have at it!
I pulled out the boxes, many of them having lain undisturbed for several years. I carefully brushed off the dust that had collected on them and opened them to survey their precious contents. To the casual observer, most of what I saw would be considered nothing more than so much junk. But to me, these were the treasures of my past. These “things” were at first glance as inseparable from me as my own heart.
Then, as I looked at all these items that I had collected over the years, something began to happen. One by one, I began to take these various objects out, holding them up to the light, and as I did I was almost magically transported back to the moment in time when I had first received them. The memories began to flood back, rapid fire, automatic, seemingly uncontrollable on my part.
I felt things I hadn’t felt in years, remembering events as clearly as if they had just happened yesterday. I could literally touch these memories, feel the same feelings, see the same sights, and even smell the same fragrances. What was going on? Aren’t these just things? How is it possible that after all these years I can reconnect so powerfully with people, places, and events that I had not thought of in some cases for decades?
Our minds are incredibly complex, mystifyingly beautiful, and altogether irritating. To those familiar with the way our minds work, you know what was happening. These things that had sat dormant, locked in boxes like so many discarded memories, are anything but that. They are anchors. My mind had created a powerful connection to these items at the time that I had received them, so much so that all it took was for me to take them out, look at them, hold them and instantly I was transported back to those moments in my life.
The connections were still there, many as strong as ever. Some, painfully so. I realized as I continued to work my way through this collection of oddities and mementos, that some of the memories associated with them were not so pleasant. At one point, I felt the warm trail of a tear tracing its way down my cheek, as I seemed to become immersed in a particularly painful memory. The salty taste of that tear on my tongue left me with a sadness that I had not connected with for many years.
I looked at old pictures of friends now either gone from this earth, or at least gone from my life. I recalled the parties, concerts, and other events that we engaged in with a mixture of both joy and sadness. Joy for the wonderful people I have been blessed with in my life, and sadness for those who are gone or for those with whom I have lost touch for one reason or another.
Just the mere thought of discarding any of these precious treasures was foreign to me. It would be like cutting out a piece of my own heart, disposing of those memories and those people as though none of it had ever happened. Then I began to wonder, am I collecting these things or are they collecting me?
What was I holding on to so tightly that I couldn’t let go? And more importantly, how did some of these things serve me in my life today? Are they relevant any more? I know that all of those events, good bad or otherwise, had shaped who I am today in some fashion or another. But why was I holding on so fiercely to the past? Is that who I am today?
The answer of course is a resounding “NO.” I am not my past. As I recalled the pain and anguish of some of those memories, I realized that I am in many ways tied inextricably to those events. They have a place in my memory, and in my heart. But they are not ME, not who I am today.
What are you holding on to so tightly that you can’t break free? Maybe you are stuck in that mindset of working for a paycheck, rather than doing what inspires you and fulfills you. Maybe you have given up on your dreams of becoming whatever it was that you told yourself you would be “when you grow up.” Or you could be telling yourself “I’ll be happy when…” – when the kids grow up, when your job magically becomes more fulfilling, when you get out of debt – it could be anything. How does that serve you as you strive to live a fulfilling and resonant life? What is your justification for surviving rather than truly living?
You only have one life. That much is certain. You have memories, history, and events from your past that have shaped your life. But make no mistake; those things are not who you are. Let go of the past, of the self-limiting beliefs that have not served you in your quest to become the best possible you. Embrace the possibilities of today, and the promise of tomorrow, and do not remain anchored to the past.
What’s holding you back?
