Overcoming Fear

Last week I had the opportunity to appear on Reno’s KTVN Channel 2, on both the 5:00 PM and 5:30 PM Evening News. I was there as part of their long-running Health Watch series, and the topic I discussed was “Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Remaining Positive in Uncertain Times.” Well, I don’t have to tell anyone what a difficult task that can be in these times. We are bombarded every day with more grim news about the economy, mounting job losses, rising foreclosures, and a seemingly continuous stream of related bad news.

It occurred to me when my segment was over, that although I was able to communicate some effective tips and strategies during my two interview segments, there is only so much that I could cover in a total of four minutes on air. So today I am going to expand on this topic and hopefully bring you some useful, relevant tactics for addressing fear in your own life.

First of all, it’s important to understand the basis for fear and how it operates in our lives. Fear is one of our most powerful emotions. It is really the result of thousands of years of evolution of our “fight or flight” instinct. Fear’s main goal is to protect us. That seems obvious enough. If there is something that can harm us in any way, fear is the signal to stand up and take notice – protect yourself or something bad is going to happen. It’s a well-developed and mostly automatic response in humans. And that automatic part is exactly where the problems occur.

Fear can either serve as a catalyst to take action in our lives, or it can serve to keep us right where we are. The difference is our response to each situation. The example I used on air is that of a longtime smoker. One day they wake up and realize that unless they make a change in their lifestyle, they face the very real risk of cancer and maybe even death. Maybe a friend of theirs was diagnosed with cancer, but whatever the reason, in this case it can motivate them to take action to quit smoking.

Another scenario could be someone stuck in a bad relationship or working in an unfulfilling job. We live day to day, making the same mistakes, feeling wholly unfulfilled and empty. Why do we punish ourselves like this? Do we enjoy the pain of living like that? Aren’t we smart enough to see what we’re doing and make the change – find that dream job or that partner who loves and supports us the way we deserve? No, that’s not it at all.

The thing is, we are creatures of certainty. We need to know what will happen, what’s around that next corner. When we don’t, that’s when we can invite fear into the picture. We are very good at writing the story before it happens. Unfortunately, we tend to write a very negative story. Based on what? Mostly on the questions we’re asking ourselves internally – questions we’re probably not even aware we’re asking. “What if I do this and lose my job and everything I have?” “What if my (spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend) leaves me and I never find love again?” We are remarkably good at telling ourselves all the terrible things that can result from us taking action without knowing the outcome beforehand.

The result is that we stay right where we are – stuck in a bad relationship, working in an unfulfilling and thankless job, making the same mistakes over and over in our daily lives. We’re stuck in the proverbial rut. Funny thing is, we don’t even see it for what it is. That’s because we’re in our comfort zone. This is familiar, the place we know. So we stay right here – even though it’s not really comfortable, and it may not even be safe. But it’s what we know; and what’s out there is dangerous, isn’t it?

One of the first things you need to know when dealing with fear is to start asking the right questions. Instead of asking, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” ask yourself “What’s the best thing that can happen?” Do you see the difference in the quality of that question by changing one small word? It may seem like semantics, but remember from a past newsletter how your brain interprets words as programming. When you ask yourself a negative question, your brain begins the process of finding all the evidence it can to support that negative proposition. It will even make things up if it has to. It’s not your brain’s fault. It’s answering the question that you asked. By simply changing the quality of the question to a positive one, you invite the possibility of searching for all the positive outcomes that support this new question. It’s really quite simple – not easy, but simple.

Second, when you experience fear for any reason (other than say, you’re being chased by a big hairy, wild animal – that one is obvious) you should ask yourself “What’s real about this fear?” What do you know to be true? Are you really helpless in this situation or do you have resources, talents, and strengths that can help you to overcome whatever the challenge may be? Recognize that there is evidence all throughout your life of the things you can do and do well. Ask yourself “How can I use these strengths to make a change in my life?” You may be surprised at the answers that your brain gives you to support that question.

Third, it helps to have a very detailed vision of what you want. It’s not enough to say, “I want more money.” If someone walked up to you and gave you a dollar, doesn’t that constitute more money than you had before? Be specific. Clarity adds power to your vision and can help to create the motivation and inspiration you need to take action. How much money? What will it give you when you have that money? How will you know when you’ve reached your goal? Make it real, because your mind will act on that vision and will do what it can to help make that vision a reality.

Next, it is important to create a plan. None of this is going to happen unless you have a detailed road map that will lead you to your goal. What are the skills, education, or experience you need to make this happen? Understand what is required to make this goal real. Also, remember your talents and strengths. How can you use those to help achieve your vision?

As you work your plan, it’s important to take note of the outcomes at each milestone. Ask yourself if your actions are taking you closer to, or further away from, your stated goals. It’s imperative to understand and acknowledge when changes to the plan are needed.

If you find yourself facing an outcome that you didn’t want, and negative thoughts or feelings come creeping back in, then it’s important to recognize them and take note of where they may be coming from. Are you feeling bad because some part of your plan didn’t turn out the way you wanted? Are you feeling like a failure and asking yourself questions such as, “Why can’t I do anything right? Why am I such a failure?” Again, your mind will construct elegantly detailed reasons that support why you are a failure – even if those reasons aren’t true.

Take control of your conscious mind and start asking more resourceful questions such as, “How can I use this outcome to make effective changes to my plan?” or “How can I use this new information to get me closer to what I want?” Your mind will work to find the answers to whatever questions you pose. Make sure you’re asking positive and resourceful questions.

All of these steps require conscious effort and choice in order to take control of your thoughts and attitude. But the bottom line is that you always have a choice. People who feel helpless are riddled with fear. Truth is, you’re never helpless, and never without choices. Don’t give up your control of the one thing you have – your ability to consciously choose your thoughts. Doing these things will not eliminate fear from your life. No one is immune to fear. But they will give you a powerful ally in the battle against fear – a battle that is fought in the landscape between your ears.