Automatic or Manual?
What do you think of when you see this question above? Do you think of a car, and view it from the perspective of whether you want an automatic or a manual transmission? If so, then what are the reasons you would want one or the other? Some people love the ability to really control their car – deciding when to shift, how fast to go in each gear before moving up to the next, hearing the hum of the engine and maybe waiting until it builds to a crescendo before shifting. They love the freedom of being able to upshift or downshift as the situation requires, literally feeling as though they are one with the car as it winds its way to its destination.
For others, they prefer the predictability of the automatic transmission. They know that as they pick up speed, the car will automatically sense the strain on the engine and will adjust the gears accordingly. No work to it – they don’t even have to think about it. Let the car do what it does best, and I can just control the speed and direction.
What about your life? Have you ever considered whether you are in automatic or manual mode in your own life? It may sound funny, but think about it for a minute. I’ll bet if you spend a few minutes thinking about some of the common, recurring events in your life, and your responses to those events, you may discover that you are indeed in automatic mode. You react the same way to the same stimulus every time, without deviation.
Sounds a bit like giving up control of our own lives, doesn’t it? And yet so many do just that on a continuous basis. In effect we give up control of our responses to situations and literally react automatically, as we have done in the past, living from our history and experiences with these situations without even considering for a moment whether our response is appropriate, resourceful, or even representative of who we are.
So what can we do to reclaim control of our lives? Well, the first thing we must do is to be aware. How often have you reacted to a situation and then almost immediately afterward ask yourself “What was that about?” or “Why did I react like that?” You know intrinsically that your reaction was not the best one. The key is to be aware before we respond!
The only way we can do that is to be “in the moment.” For many, this is as foreign to them as speaking Chinese or Latin. We are so focused as a society on the next thing, the next meeting, the next event, that we fail to recognize what is right in front of us or what is happening at this moment. (Are you actually taking in these words as you read this or are you thinking about the next email you have to read, or the next chore you have to do?)
We are constantly looking to what’s next, what we have to do. The truth is there is always more to do! I often have this conversation with my coaching clients. The truth of the matter is that we are called “human beings” not “human doings.” There is a gift in the ability to just be present to what’s here with us at any given moment. Now, I am not saying that you can’t or won’t or shouldn’t think about other important or pressing matters, but if all you ever do is think of what’s coming next you will certainly miss what is right in front of you!
So, how can you learn to be present? Well, just like exercising any other muscle, it takes effort and discipline and focus. But, also like exercising any other muscle, in time it becomes stronger, more developed, and more “automatic,” if you will. Start with something simple. Go to the park. Sit and watch. What’s here? Are there children playing and laughing? You don’t see them on the swing saying to their friend “You know, Johnny, this is fun, but I really must be getting on to my play date with Jack. Besides, we’re going to play Nintendo and I’ve got that big presentation to give at preschool tomorrow.” Now, that may be a bit absurd, but it does make the point.
Just watch. Listen to the birds singing. What other sounds do you notice? Are there dogs playing in the grass? See how much fun they’re having. They are unconcerned with anything other than what’s right in front of them. Simply notice, take everything in without judgment, or wondering why, or even without thinking. Just feel and allow yourself to be open to whatever is there.
This is what it is to be truly in the moment. When we open ourselves to the wonder of the present, it can be surprising! We suddenly notice things that we may have taken for granted, only because we had never taken the time to really pay attention. We experience our lives on a much deeper level. We give ourselves permission to live purposefully. And we go from automatic to manual.
