Fulfillment

Fulfillment. Seems like a simple enough word, wouldn’t you say? But what does fulfillment mean to you? If I asked fifty people that question, I would probably get fifty unique answers. But wait a minute, isn’t fulfillment the same thing for everyone? How can it be that complicated when it’s such a simple concept? Or is it really that simple at all?

Webster’s defines fulfillment this way: The act of fulfilling; accomplishment; completion; as, the fulfillment of prophecy. That sounds pretty bland if you ask me. It also implies on some level that fulfillment is a completion, a destination, a task accomplished. But in the context of a fulfilling life, it’s not that at all. Fulfillment is a journey, not a destination.

We tend to mistakenly interchange the word fulfillment with “happiness.” But really they are mutually exclusive terms. You can be incredibly fulfilled and yet deeply sorrowful at the same time. Of course, you can also be extremely happy, as well. The reason lies in the context of your life at any given moment.

Let me give you an example. One of the most extraordinarily fulfilling moments of my life came at one of the most difficult and grief-stricken times for me. In 1997, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphatic cancer. Little did we realize at the time, but within ten agonizing and fleeting days she would be gone. To this day, I still get emotional when I talk about it because it was such a profoundly sorrowful time in my life. I loved my mother dearly, and she was a light for our family, as well as for anyone she came in contact with over her all-too-short life span. Truthfully, as I type these words, I can feel a warm tear trickling down my cheek. Twelve years have done little to ease the sting of losing her.

I vividly remember sitting there in the ICU, along with my father and my five siblings all keeping vigil around her bed as she slowly, painfully slipped away from us. She was hooked up to all sorts of wires, tubes, and breathing apparatus, as she could no longer breathe on her own. I can’t even put into words what it was like to watch this beautiful, intelligent, warm, loving woman who gave me life, gradually deteriorate as she edged closer to her final breath.

The tears poured freely for all of us, as we sat mostly in stunned silence, already having told the doctors that we did not want them to take any heroic measures should she go into cardiac arrest. She was finished with this fight, and there was no way for her to win now. We only wanted her to finally be at peace, and to be free of pain. We sat around her, all of her children and the man with whom she had spent her last 35 years, clinging to the unrealistic hope that some miracle would occur and she would just magically sit up, smile that beautiful, warm smile of hers, and ask “What’s all the fuss about?” Of course, it was not to be.

I sat there, holding her hand in mine, listening as we all recalled some of our favorite moments and memories of her. She would squeeze our hand from time to time, even though her eyes never opened, and the doctors and nurses assured us it was nothing more than reflexes. We knew better. She could hear us, and at the most appropriate times, she would give an ever-so-slight squeeze to let us know she heard and was laughing along with us.

After some undetermined time, I recall leaning down to her ear. I whispered, “It’s okay to let go, mom. We love you, and we don’t want you to suffer any longer. It’s okay if you’re ready to say goodbye. We’ll take care of each other.”

Now, in terms of emotional pain and anguish, I can tell you I have never in my life felt anything even close to the moment when the line on the EKG went flat. Time stood still, and I felt as though I had been plunged into total darkness and despair. But I will also tell you this – I would never in a million years, for any amount of money, trade that tender moment of my life away. I hold it close in my heart for all time.

Of course, I have also had many, many joyous periods of fulfillment in my life! I recall with tremendous gratitude and pleasure my wedding day, the birth of my children and my grandson, and many other equally ecstatic moments. I just use this one story to illustrate the fact that fulfillment is not about being happy. It’s about being truly engaged in your life and present to the moments that really matter, the ones that you never want to forget. There is a great quote that I have hanging in a frame on the wall of my home and it really captures the essence of what fulfillment is all about. It says, “It’s not the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.” Simple enough. Fulfillment.