You Always Have a Choice

Ever have one of those days when it just feels as though the Universe is conspiring against you? You know the ones. When you go to the cupboard to get the cereal and the box is empty. Or you get a flat tire on the way to the big meeting. Or the dog grabs the steak off the counter when you’re not looking. Whatever the case, sometimes it simply feels like the whole world is out to get you. As I have been known to say to friends jokingly, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you!”

Well folks, today I had one of those days. Let me fill you in. As I was getting the cold cuts and condiments out of the fridge to make my kids’ lunches, I bumped a tray of fresh blueberries, which tumbled onto the floor and scattered around the kitchen – rolling around like so many little blue escapees from their plastic prison, and into every nook and cranny they could find. As I took a small step back to assess the spill, I stepped onto about four or five of them, crushing them into the floor. Nice. “Cleanup on aisle 7!”

Then later, as I was making my breakfast, I had decided that I felt like having an omelet. (One of the perks of working from home is that I now eat better!) As I was cooking the eggs, I lifted the frying pan; and as I had done so many times before, with a delicate, nimble flip of the wrist, attempted to flip the omelet over. I say attempted as though it were more than a feeble effort at this culinary art form, and knowing full well that in the middle of this stab at gastronomic greatness, I had ever so slightly hesitated. I was doomed. The omelet flopped mercilessly in the air, landing on the edge of the frying pan rather than in the middle as I had grown accustomed to. Half of my breakfast falling helplessly to the kitchen floor in an unceremonious “splat!” Great!

So here I am, standing in the middle of the kitchen holding this now twisted, deformed excuse for an omelet – egg still dripping from the edge of the pan. And in that very moment, I knew. I had a choice. Based on these two seemingly sinister incidents, I could blow my top and begin the parade of profanity that I have (sorry to say) conceded to so many times before. Besides, it was just me and the dogs hanging around. The kids had left for school. No one else would ever know, or hear, or care. OR… I could…

It began as a small chuckle, then cascaded into a series of belly laughs the likes of which I haven’t felt in what seemed like months, or even years. I stood there with frying pan in hand, egg on floor and slippers, and laughed at the cosmic joke that was being played on me at that very moment! Listen, I’m no saint. But when something’s funny, it’s just funny. And this was one of those rare moments when I got to see just how silly life is, and how unpredictable it can be, and how we always have a choice of how we react to it!

I have no proof for you that any of this occurred, and if you ask my wife and kids, they may even find my reaction hard to believe based on my past performance. (Like I said, I’m no saint.) What I can tell you unequivocally is this – it happened just as I have written here. I don’t know if, given the same set of circumstances, I would react the same way were it to happen again. I guess only time will tell.

But what I can tell you is this – each and every day of our lives, we are presented with circumstances that would seem to be beyond our control, sometimes menacing, many times there to teach us something; and the events themselves are neutral. That’s right. Neutral. What makes them good, bad, or otherwise, is how we choose to interpret and respond to them. When we go on auto, and allow the circumstances to dictate our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we literally give away our power. Our power to choose. Our power to decide. Our power to control our own behaviors.

So the next time you find the cereal box empty, or you get that flat tire, or you flip half an omelet onto the floor, ask yourself this one question, “What does this really mean?” If you can remain objective, and be aware of your thoughts and feelings, put your automatic response mechanisms on hold, you may just be surprised to find yourself laughing. Laughing at the circumstances, at the silliness and unpredictability of life, and maybe even laughing at yourself. Hey, it could happen.

How Do You Measure Up?

Like much of the civilized world, I have spent the last ten days watching the amazing spectacle called the Winter Olympic Games. I am continually surprised and sometimes overwhelmed by the athleticism, grace, and passion that these incredible athletes display. They have worked for years – most of them in obscurity – to perfect their craft and strive to reach for their very best performances. Every day my family and I settle in to watch the games and cheer for the American athletes who are competing.

As each competition takes place, I often find myself wondering how these athletes can do what they do. Whether they compete in skating, skiing, snowboarding or any of the other sports, the level of athletic prowess and dedication of each of these competitors is apparent. Clearly, these are athletes at the top of their respective games.

And then it happens. As each competition unfolds, and each medal is awarded, we are constantly reminded of “the count.” Suddenly this incredible spectacle of sport, these athletes pouring their hearts and souls into their performances, is reduced to a comparison of which country has won the most medals. How do we measure up against the total medal counts of the other participating countries?

It seems to fly in the face of the true spirit of the Olympic Games, which is supposed to represent the purest elements of sports, and honor the athletes who are there to compete. Besides, who is the real winner – the one who medals almost purely on superior talent and yet doesn’t perform to their very best, or the one who in defeat has shown the ability to push themselves beyond what they thought possible and create a new level of performance for themselves?

How do you measure up? It seems to be a prevailing question asked of so many of us in our society. We tend to compare ourselves continually to the other people in our lives or others who are in positions related to ours. “If I do this, how does that compare to how he/she does it?” We also have others (bosses, peers, coworkers) comparing our performances to someone else, be it someone in our own department or someone in our profession who is considered a top performer.

One of the things I love most about the Olympics is listening to these spectacular athletes talk about their preparation, training, and mindset going into the Games. Almost to a person, regardless of whether they win or lose, they will say in interviews that they are happy if they were able to reach deep down inside and perform at their personal best. For these extremely competitive athletes to be able to see the true essence of why they compete offers us a terrific lesson we can use in our own lives.

Why are we so willing to compare ourselves to others? What good can possibly come from it? Society many times would seem to drive us toward this never-ending competition. If you want to get ahead, you must be better than the next guy. The only way to get ahead is to excel against our competition at any cost.

The undeniable truth, however, is that it’s a fool’s game. We can never control or affect anyone’s performance but our own. Rather than comparing ourselves to someone else, there is far more benefit in focusing on the one thing we can control – our own performance. When we are able to do that, we are far more likely to perform at our best levels and enjoy positive results. And regardless of the outcome, we preserve our own sense of self worth and well-being. One of my all-time favorite quotes on this topic is from Judy Garland, who said, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

In your preparations for your day-to-day performance, it’s important to check in with yourself and acknowledge your level of dedication and focus in sharpening your skills. Have you done all you can to prepare for what’s possible? Are you looking for ways to learn and grow so that you can become skilled and respected in your chosen profession? Are you pushing yourself daily to be your best? If not, what can you do differently? It’s vitally important to have a clear picture of the outcome you desire, and to take steps to prepare for what must be done to achieve it.

It’s also important to be aware of your mindset as you prepare for each day. One of the things I do every day is to focus on my intentions for the day and make sure that my thoughts and feelings support the achievement of those goals. To put it in terms of Olympic competition, if you are standing in the starting gate thinking you won’t win, what are the chances of you standing on that medal platform? The same principle applies to your intentions for your daily performance. Focusing on the positive outcome you desire, and seeing it occur in your mind, creates a certainty that what you want is possible. Remember, the body achieves what the mind believes.

In the end, the only comparison that truly matters is whether we are performing to our own best skills, talents, and abilities. Anything less will lead to a “less-than” life. And truthfully, we all deserve to live a “greater-than” life!