What's the Point?

I’ve been asked several times why I write these newsletters, so I thought I would take some time to answer that question for any of you who may be curious. So, what’s the point, you may ask? Do I write these just to bring a bit of sunshine, positivity, and a sense of what’s possible into my readers’ lives? Well, yes. And, I do it as much for myself as for any one of you who read these newsletters.

As many of you know, I also have a presence on Facebook and I thoroughly enjoy posting inspirational and uplifting messages for all of my “friends.” I’ve been asked a few times what it’s like to always be happy, positive, and upbeat. To which I answer, “I have no idea. I’m not always feeling any or all of those things.” In fact, ask my family if I’m always happy and upbeat and I’m sure you’ll get a good laugh!

However, just think how boring and uninteresting life would be if all we experienced were one narrow range of our emotions. After all, what would joy be without pain and sadness, excitement without boredom, or victory and exhilaration without frustration and defeat? In order to be who we are meant to be in this world, it’s vitally important for us to realize that emotions are the juice of life. Good, bad, or otherwise (although as I often remind clients, there are no “bad” emotions).

It’s critical to understand that in order to experience our full capacity as human beings, we must be open to all that comes with it. And sometimes that is messy. Let’s face it – emotions can be very messy. And, at the same time they give us so much.

“Feeling emotions is what makes life rich. You need your passions.”
                    - Daniel Goleman, Author “Emotional Intelligence”

Think of the excitement of your first kiss, that exhilarating roller coaster ride at the theme park, your wedding day, the birth of a child, or holding the hand of a loved one as they pass from this life to the next. How sad and empty we would be if we always felt the same. The richness of our lives is enhanced by our ability to connect and truly feel our emotions.

That’s one of the reasons I love to write these newsletters. They give me an opportunity to connect with all my readers in a deeper spiritual sense, hopefully to evoke an emotional response from them, and in that response, to share in their experience of life in profound ways.

See, there are those in life we call “adrenaline junkies.” You know the ones, the jumping-off-a-cliff-skydiving-bungee-jumping-roller-coaster-riding people. Well, I’m an “emotion junkie” of sorts. I have learned (not without hardship and challenge) that only by embracing my full humanity, and accepting my emotions as a necessary and welcome part of me, can I truly be fully present and engaged in my life.

So, what’s the point? Well, I certainly think that each one of you can and will draw your own conclusions. But for me the point is to embrace my emotions, feel them at my core, accept them as part of me, and know that in doing so I am opening myself to the greatest adventure we know – LIFE!

What Are You Overlooking?

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I decided to go on a hike in the Lake Tahoe area. This particular Sunday was a bright, crisp day; the kind of Northern Nevada summer day we’ve grown accustomed to over the years. Spectacular sunshine, relatively few clouds, and a slight breeze – just enough to keep the temperature bearable. We settled on heading for a destination we had not previously been to – Cascade Falls.

We hiked the trail leading up to this pristine wilderness area high above Cascade Lake and Lake Tahoe. The day was warm, but not overly so. The trail itself was well laid out – rocky and narrow in some areas, and in others wide and smooth. Overall, it was a relatively moderate hike – certainly easy enough for all in our party to hike without too much effort or becoming overheated.

Along the way, there were the obligatory stops. We would occasionally climb atop some of the huge boulders along the trail to gain a higher perspective of the two lakes and the wilderness below. We took photos of the views and of each other. And of course, Trevor just had to throw a few rocks as he peered over some of the cliffs and sheer drops along the trail. Hey, every 8-year-old boy in his right mind is going to want to do that! And maybe even a 48-year-old boy, too! Naturally, his mother and I always kept vigilant watch over him, ensuring he maintain a minimum safe distance from the edge.

As we hiked the trail further, we could discern the distant sound of running water. Gradually, as we neared our destination, the sound became a roar. And what we came upon when we crossed the last ridge of the trail was more than we had prepared for. Here was a spectacular waterfall, in its full glory, dropping hundreds of feet to the rocks below before making its way to its final destination - Cascade Lake.

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The runoff from the melting Sierra snows had created one of the most spectacular sights in the Lake Tahoe region, and this incredible waterfall was there for us to enjoy and treasure. We spent time hiking along the stream that led to the falls, and explored the surrounding terrain of granite cliffs and mesas.

We looked at each other as if to ask, “How can it be that we’ve lived in this area for so long and never been to this place before?” At least we were here now. I have always been one to appreciate the incredible area we live in. The Sierras and the Tahoe region offer so much not only in terms of outdoor activities, but in terms of sheer beauty – well, I would challenge anyone to show me a more majestic and beautiful place on this planet. There may be equals, but I would be surprised if anything could surpass this.

After about an hour of taking in this magnificent sight, snapping what seemed to be hundreds of photos, and splashing our feet in the cool waters that flowed past, it was time to head back down the trail. When we finally reached the bottom, and got to our car, we quietly, almost reverently it would seem, took a few moments to reflect on what we had just witnessed.

Then as we started the drive toward home, I glanced one last time toward Cascade Lake out the window on the right side of the vehicle. Then, almost as if it had appeared magically, as I gazed out to the far edges of the shore and looked up – there it was. Cascade Falls. In all the years I have been going to Lake Tahoe, driving around toward Emerald Bay, past Cascade Lake, I had never before noticed the incredible sight in the distance of the falls that feed this mountain wonder! How could I have been so blind to this amazing sight all those years? And, it begs the question, “Where else in my life am I not seeing what’s right in front of me?”

The Passing of a Legend

People have a tendency to throw around words like famous, superstar, celebrity, and legend without much thought to the person behind them. Sadly, it seems that all too often, as someone’s celebrity grows, more and more people seek to find and expose their flaws. Some can stand up to the glare of the spotlight, while others wilt under the intense scrutiny. Still others seem to come through completely unscathed – they are exactly as they seem to be.

Such a man was John Wooden.

The world lost a giant with his passing. This was a man who not only seemed too good to be true – he really was. Now don’t get me wrong. Like all human beings, he certainly had his flaws. It’s just that he didn’t have them splashed all over the newspapers, TV or Internet. He remained true to his values and humble to the end.

Now most, if not all of you, know who John Wooden was. He was most well known as the coach who led the UCLA Men’s Basketball team to a mind-boggling total of ten NCAA National Basketball Championships, with a record 88 consecutive victories and seven NCAA Championships in a row at one point! He was a basketball legend in the truest sense of the word.

I’m not here to write about that part of his life. No, the John Wooden I wish to briefly highlight today was a man who was dedicated to the notion that life is much more than what we do, how many games we win, or how much money we make. The John Wooden I wish to honor is the man who taught so many about the values of honesty, teamwork, perseverance, humility, faith, and love. As I say many times to clients I work with, “Don’t be so concerned with what you do. Focus on who you are becoming in the process.”

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

Wooden had an innate sense of how to reach and motivate his players. He developed what he called “The Pyramid of Success” which encompassed the qualities that he felt were essential to be successful in any aspect of life. When he coached his teams – as hard as it may be to believe – he says he never stressed winning. He focused on them giving their best effort. He was heard to tell his players that the scoreboard might show they had the higher score at the end of the game, but if they didn’t give their best effort, they were losers.

You see, we thought John Wooden was a basketball coach. But we were wrong. He was so much more than that. He was a Life Coach. The wisdom of his words and the depth of his lessons were universal in their application.

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”

Wooden was most concerned with teaching young men how to be men of character and integrity. He built his career on the notion that who they were as people was more important than who they were as basketball players. "What you are as a person is far more important that what you are as a basketball player.” As I listened to the seemingly endless string of interviews with former players, I was struck by the respect and reverence with which they spoke of him, and his impact on their lives. Truly, John Wooden was a man who made a difference. He set the standard not only for the coaching profession, but also for how we can live our lives.

There are so many profound truths to the wisdom of Coach Wooden. He made others wish to be better people by his mere presence.

“The most important word in our language is love. The second is balance; keeping things in perspective.”

The thing I most admired about John Wooden was something I didn’t know about until after his passing. It was his undying love and devotion to his wife of 53 years, Nellie. She died of cancer on March 21, 1985. Wooden never lost his devotion to her, and from that time on, every month on the 21^st, he wrote her a love letter. Every month of every year from her death in 1985 until his own passing two weeks ago. No one was ever allowed to read them, not even family. He placed each letter in an envelope and added it to the stack of letters on the pillow she used to sleep on.

Nellie was the first – and only – girl he ever kissed. When asked how he was able to make love last in a marriage, he said, “There’s only one way. Truly, truly, truly love. Most powerful thing there is.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but that pretty much tells me all I would ever need to know about Wooden and his character. Many of us have a difficult enough time letting those we love know while they’re around. This man was so deeply in love, so devoted, that he never lost his desire to let his wife know. He never took that love for granted. And now, he and Nellie are finally reunited in eternity – at least, that’s my take on it.

Goodbye, Coach, and Godspeed.