The Inner Critic

We all have it – that little voice inside our heads. You know the one. It’s that voice that tells you all the things can’t do. It’s the voice that stops you from moving forward or going for some goal in your life that you are passionate about. It’s the voice that threatens to keep you boxed in, stagnant, or living in fear of what is “out there” if you should dare to venture out. It’s a voice I’ve come to know all too well in my own life.

How many times in your life have you had your sights set on some goal – be it a promotion, a new relationship, a new career, going back to school, or some other objective – and then just as you find yourself ready to take action you freeze. What if I can’t do this? What if I get fired? What if I lose my house, car, etc. because I can’t earn enough money? What if this person doesn’t love me? What if I’m not good enough? Sometimes they are not in the form of questions, but rather in that damning voice that tells you straight out that you’re not enough.

Unless you are aware of where these questions or statements are coming from, you may think it’s the voice of reason in your own head. It’s there to protect you from getting hurt or from overextending yourself. But the truth of the matter is that the voice in your head is nothing more than your own personal saboteur. By all outward appearances it is there to protect you. But it’s real mission is much more sinister.

The inner critic is there to keep you right where you are. It’s there to maintain the status quo, keep things right here because this is the place we know. And even though this place may not be comfortable, might not be where you want to be – hell, it may not even be safe – that voice tells you that you have no idea what is out there should you make a change.

And that’s not the only place it comes out. What happens when you make a mistake? Do you hear a litany of condemning remarks in your head? If you’re like most people, the answer is a resounding “Yes!” And here’s the part that is most puzzling – the things you tell yourself in your own head are typically things you would never let another person say to you!

What is that all about? Moreover, what can you do to silence that inner critic? Well, there is good news and bad news. First, the bad news – you can’t entirely silence it. That inner critic is always there, the saboteur waiting in the wings for you to make a mistake or to do something to change the status quo.

The good news is that you don’t have to listen to it. At least, not in the way that you may have been for so many years. You have options. One of your first and most effective weapons against this insidious voice is to be aware of it. That’s right, you have to recognize it when it rears its ugly, horned, vile head. What does that do? First of all it gives you some power over it. If you can become more conscious to the presence of the saboteur, it can help to ease the intensity of the attacks when they do come.

Another strategy that helps is to know the truth. What does that mean? There is objective data that has been collected all throughout your life of who you are, what you are capable of, your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Make a list of all the things you’ve accomplished, your successes, and all the strengths that helped you achieve those things. If you’re really such a loser, as the saboteur would have you believe, how could you have done all the things you’ve done in your life?

Next, learn how to “tweak” the language of your inner critic. When it tells you that you’ve just failed miserably on a task that didn’t go well, then change that to “Things definitely didn’t go as planned here, but I sure did learn a lot.” That may sound like playing with semantics, and on some level it is. But think about it this way. Your brain is an amazing supercomputer, and just like any other computer it functions only when there is input. The quality of that input will be a huge determinant in the quality of the output. Change your language, and you are literally changing the programming that is going into your brain. Now that is power!

Finally, it’s important to understand that this saboteur only has as much power and control over you as you choose to give it. That doesn’t mean that you should get into a battle with it, however. The inner critic knows you, knows your weaknesses and access points – it is you, after all – so that is worthless as a strategy. Rather, the way to deal more effectively with it is to ask yourself a couple of questions. What do I know to be true about (this situation, about me, about my talents)? How can I use what this inner critic is telling me to learn from this outcome? Is this even something worth being upset or angry about?

Questions such as these can change your perspective and your focus from what your inner critic is telling you that you did wrong to creative ways to learn and grow from the experience. Your ability to elevate your thoughts from that place of self-condemnation to a place of self-discovery can be incredibly liberating and can alleviate stress from your life in profound ways. The key to this, like anything else, is to practice. Know that the inner critic will be there, and work on your strategies for dealing with it. The more you play with your options, the better you will become at taking back control of your conscious thoughts, and limiting the effects of the inner critic. It is, after all, about the choices you make.